PSW Fight Pit Episode 3 - Kala Kahuna & Johnny Cyclone vs The Honey Badger & Kruscher

David Bekker: Your main event of the evening is a Tag Team Match scheduled for one fall!

A virtuosic guitar accompanied by heavy rock riffs plays to a pop. The two big screens show a honey badger going about its day: burrowing, climbing, looking cute, biting the balls of lions. The man himself briskly walks out, looking small, rabid and wounded.

David Bekker: On the way to the ring, from Hoedspruit, Limpopo, South Africa, standing 168 centimetres and weighing in at 104 kilos, the Honey Badger!

SDS: "It's not the size of the dog in the fight. It's the size of the fight in the dog." Diogo, in our short history, this man has firmly proven this old adage. 

DS: Too right, companheiro. Where the hell did they make him, and where did Campbell find him?

SDS: I do not know, but I do know he's going to be a problem in this bout.

DS (chuckles): Yeah, but a problem for who?

PSW Fight Pit Episode 3 - On Main

BACKSTAGE

A cameraman lingers outside a locker room door. It opens and out comes Kala Kahuna and the towering Johnny Cyclone, the former missing his shirt and the latter now in his aqua-green singlet and white gloves. 

SDS: And there they are. The veteran and the upstart on their way to- Huh?

DS: What the hell?

Brendan Steele sprints past, followed by an army of guards. 

SDS: What's going on? Did the Madness come back?

DS: Maybe they never left.

Cyclone moves to follow them, but Kahuna places a hand on his chest and shakes his head before pointing in the opposite direction. Cyclone nods, and they start walking.

SDS: Well, whatever it is, hopefully it doesn't affect the main event.

The feed switches to another cameraman's perspective.

SDS: And there's the other side of the equation. The Moscow Machine and the Honey Badger. It'll be interesting to see how they work together in this match.

Kruscher is walking along a hallway. Badger walks next to him, cackling like the madman he is. The Russian stops and glares. The small, stocky man just looks up and bares his teeth, doing a false lunge.

Kruscher then keeps walking with Badger a little further behind.

DS: This is gonna be a trainwreck, Darryl. HAHAHAHA!!!

PSW Fight Pit Episode 3 - Flyboy Figueroa vs Mudir

The sound of a plane engine coming to life is heard, propellers spinning in sync with an electric guitar solo and accompanying drums. The crowd cheers as a man with messy black hair, in gear reminiscent of a late-1940s fighter pilot, complete with a bomber jacket, goggles, and a mask over his mouth, jogs out. His arms are spread wide, tilting from side to side like an aeroplane while running around in a circle.

DS: Oh, this is going to be good.

David Bekker: On the way to the ring, from San Cristóbal in the Dominican Republic, standing 173 centimetres and weighing in at 75 kilos, Flyboy Figueroa!

Figueroa runs forward and slides on his kneepads, pointing at the sky with both index fingers as a single firework explodes behind him.

SDS: The floor is yours, partner.

PSW Fight Pit Episode 3 - Seth vs Kraken Khan & Dennis Zázrak

A loud set of trumpets blowing in lockstep with a rapid-fire boom bap beat. The camera lingers on the stage for a bit, but no one comes out.  

It then darts about, capturing the faces of the cheering fans until it finds Sthe walking down the stairs between two rows of fans, as always clad in his basketball-inspired shirt and shorts with his big glasses and headphones.

David Bekker: The following is a Handicap Match scheduled for one fall. On the way to the ring, from Benguela, Angola, standing 193 centimetres and weighing in at 111 Kilos, SETH!

SDS: Last week, Seth teamed up with the Groundbreaker, Dennis Zázrak, in a handicap match against the former champion, Kraken Khan, who picked up the victory when Seth was left in the lurch by his partner.

DS: Seth disrespected Zázrak! He got what he deserved.

SDS: And then Zázrak got laid out afterwards BY Khan.

DS: That was different. Khan's the former champ. Zázrak's the current champ. They have legit beef. What business does this guy have?

SDS: He's the reason the transition took place, or did you forget that?

PSW Fight Pit Episode 3 - Pandemonium, Indeed

BACKSTAGE

An O.R.D.R.L.I. feed appears on the screens, in gorilla position.

Campbell: ... the hell do ya mean he can't find them? How the bloody hell do ya lose 3 people that massive?

Jeyi: That's what Brendan said. They're nowhere to be seen.

Campbell: They're meant to be in Samoa on Monday, God damnit! 

Jeyi: I know-

Campbell: I don't need Shabani crawlin' up my arse!

Jeyi: I'm just relaying a message!

PSW Fight Pit Episode 3 - Team Wallace vs Tom & Dick w/ Harry

The crowd goes wild as a high-pitched guitar riff plays. Axel and Oscar run out, stop and cross their arms over their heads, creating an X-symbol while pointing their index fingers. 

David Bekker: The following is a Tag Team Match scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Brigg, England, at a combined weight of 204 Kilos, Axel and Oscar, TEAM WALLACE! 

They walk briskly to the ring, stopping to deliver high fives and fist bumps to the crowd. 

SDS: Last week, the brothers, Axel and Oscar Z. Wallace, scored an important victory over the Wild Thornes-

DS: You mean Axel scored it. Oscar almost blew it from the first bell after that stuff Thorne said about their dad being disappointed in them

SDS: I can't fully disagree, but Axel set him straight with some tough love after.

DS: Tough love? That was some cold-blooded shit. He called their dad worm food. I get what he was doing, but damn.

SDS: I feel the same way, but the message was clear. If they want to be the Tag Team Supreme again, they have to focus on the here and now.

DS: Yeah, and- Wait... who are they facing again?

SDS: ... Oh God!

PSW Fight Pit Episode 3 - The Spark

The big screens show a dark room with the only light coming from a TV, obscured by the silhouette of Danys Vités, who sits cross-legged in front of it.

The TV shows a man with a white mask and light blue ring gear entering an arena full of screaming fans.

In Vités' place now sits a young Haitian boy.

Announcer (o.s.): Damas y caballeros, ¡Junten sus aplausos para el Héroe conocido como Zero!

Vités (v.o.): Li te ewo mwen. (He was my hero.) Enspirasyon mwen. (My inspiration.)

PSW Fight Pit Episode 3 - Ecological Succession

The Fight Pit flourishes with new faces in four fun matches.

PSW Fight Pit Episode 3 - Boiling Blood

An O.R.D.R.L.I. catches sight of Sara Blood Jr storming down a hallway. The crowd is mostly silent, with some booing and some cheering.

DS: I thought we were done with the nepo baby for tonight!

She turns a corner and bumps into Mudir, literally, who has a newspaper in one hand and a pencil in the other, as opposed to the book about the Mamluk Sultunate last week and Sun Tzu's The Art of War the week before.

Sara Jr: You again?

PSW Fight Pit Episode 3 - El Cirujano vs Marcelo Sousa

David Bekker: Your opening contest is scheduled for one fall!

The sound of electricity is heard, and instead of the beeping, it's a heavy drumbeat accompanied by Argentine Rock. White fog covers the stage, and out walks a tall, lean, fair-skinned man in a white mask with a green cross on it covering his entire head, except for his dark eyes. He is clad in more white, with the green cross appearing on his fingerless gloves, trunks and boots.

He raises his hands, looking at them with a quizzical head tilt, then looks up, clenches them into fists, and slowly makes his way to the ring.

David Bekker: On the way to the ring, from Buenos Aires, Argentina, standing 183 centimetres and weighing in at 98 kilos, El Cirujano!

SDS: Two weeks ago, this man made his Fight Pit debut against the current no. 1 contender, Danys Vités. It was a losing effort, but he took tiny pieces out of the Haitian. We also can't overlook your history with him, Diogo.

DS: Yeah, man, I remember being in the hospital with that torn groin, thinking I could never perform again.

SDS: What are you talking about? You didn't wrestle again, you said.

DS: Of course, I did. (lifts sunglasses and winks)

SDS: No, you-... Nevermind.

PSW Fight Episode Pit 3 - Big Business

BACKSTAGE

Katrina Petrov and her cameraman intercept Campbell as he enters the hallway.

Petrov: Jeffrey!

Campbell (big smile): Katrina. How's it going?

Petrov: I'm well, thank you. You just confirmed that Vito Montani is still in contention for the World Dominion Championship?

Campbel (still smiling)l: That I did.

Petrov: Even after he stole a tranquiliser from medical, used it on Paul Grizzly, the World Champion and got arrested on camera?

Campbell (still smiling): Yep.

Petrov: ... Why?

Campbell (still smiling): Because I said so.

PSW Fight Pit Episode 3 - Power Vacuum

- 17 January 2031

SDS: Welcome everybody to Episode 3 of the Friday Night Fight Pit! I'm "Striking" Darryl Stroligo, joined as always by the "Carnival King" Diogo Santos! We are coming to you live from the famous Anvil Arena in Pisco!

 

DS: More like PISS-co, Darryl! This place stinks, literally!

SDS: I thought that was you.

DS: I smell like a million bucks!

SDS (leans in): Great, you start paying me back.

DS (slides his chair away): Okay, let's acalmar companheiro. It's a figure of speech.