THE BATTALION BROS VS THE WILD THORNES
The second match of the night features two teams trying to create some momentum.
On one side, Major Mallory and El Soldado, who ate a loss to Dick Jagger and Tom Presley two weeks ago. On the other side, the ageing throwbacks to classic British grappling and American showmanship, respectively, Nigel Thorne and Gary Wildman, who came up short against the former Tag Team Champions, Team Wallace, last week.
The veterans dominate in the early goings, isolating the smaller Soldado. It doesn't help when Soldado manages to get away, and the larger Mallory tags in, only to face the power and experience of Wildman.
DS: 'Whachu gonna do?' NOTHING!
The turning point comes when Wildman goes for his signature running Crooked-armed Lariat, the Wildman Whammy, only to get caught by the Mallarmory, Mallory's Sit-out Spinebuster.
Thorne tries to break up the pin, only to get tripped by the newly-recovered Soldado. At the same time, Mallory moves out of the pin, and Thorne lands headfirst onto Wildman's nuts.
SDS: OOOOOHHHH!!!
DS: That's a dq, ref!
SDS: Partner on partner violence.
The Battalion Bros, together, throw Thorne out of the ring. Soldado then exits as the Major drags Wildman over, then tags. Mallory then picks Wildman up onto his shoulders as the luchador climbs the turnbuckle.
The match ends with Bombs Away, an Electric Chair/Blockbuster combo.
Result: The Battalion Bros win via pinfall.
TORTI GAL VS LOUIE MERCER
The mysterious turtle costume-clad Torti Gal, from the shores of Beau Vallon, Mahé, Seychelles, makes her slow, waddling entrance, occasionally stopping to touch palms with the children on one side of the ramp.
DS: What kind of parents are these? How can you let your children touch that... thing?!
SDS: I keep telling you, she's harmless to-
DS: EVIL!
As always, she stands 165 centimetres, but weighs in tonight at 120 kilos; up from 109 last week, when she beat Sara Blood Jr in less than 5 minutes.
Her opponent is "Mr Minute" Louie Mercer, the suspender-clad, watch-chain-wearing brawler from Brooklyn, New York, in the USA. 183 centimetres, 118 kilos and fresh off taking a bribe from "Diamond Jack" Ekwueme to throw the match that he was scheduled to have with the latter.
SDS: This one is going to be a test of durability, endurance, AND integrity.
DS: Integrity, what? He made a business decision!
Mercer is on top of things from the get-go with slams, suplexes and strikes. Torti Gal is slow to react, even to pain, as she never stays down.
Eventually, Mercer locks in 10-and-2, a Full Nelson submission. He locks it in tightly and holds it for ages... and ages... and ages.
SDS: Nowhere to go!
DS: Break its neck! Kill it before it comes alive!
Crowd: Torti Gal... Torti Gal. Torti Gal! TORTI GAL!
The creature of the Creole's violet eyes light up, and she breaks the hold by simply lowering her arms.
SDS: TORTI GAL BREAKS FREE!!!
DS: EVIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL!!!!!
She then elbows him in the gut to make him double over and headbutts him to make him stumble back and create space.
The Turtle raises her clawed hands and starts waddling again. The waddling becomes hopping from one foot to the other. Over and over. Faster and faster.
SDS: There it is, the Turtle Dance! THE TURTLE DANCE!
Mercer shakes his head to regain himself and just stares. He then throws his hands in the air and yells "F*** dis!" before turning around to leave, at which point Torti Gal sprints forward and grabs him by the waist to hit a Snap German Suplex.
The crowd goes crazy as she kips up to continue her dance while he gets back to his feet, clutching the back of his head. She grabs his waist from the front and tackles him into a corner, driving her shoulder into his gut.
She sprints to the other side, then comes back for another Shoulder Block, which forces him to collapse to a sitting position. She does it again and comes back with a Cannonball in the corner before dragging him awayfrom the ropes, climbing the turnbuckle and performing her signature Diving Senton.
SDS: SHELL-TON!
Result: Torti Gal wins via pinfall.
She leaves the ring to touch palms with the fans at the ringside. When she gets near the commentary desk, Santos pulls a baseball bat from under.
Santos: Get back! Sai daqui, criatura maligna!
Stroligo just shakes his head and touches palms with Torti Gal, who carries on with the remaining fans.
KEVIN KAMBOLE VS RAMI ARSLAN VS RAQUEL SANTANA
A Thunderweight Triple Threat follows, featuring three new signings:
Kevin "Killer Wasp" Kambole, 173 cm and 80 kilos, from Lusaka, Zambia. A captivating cruiserweight clad in black and gold with a background in Capoeira.
Rami Arslan, 180 cm and 100 kilos, from Beirut, Lebanon. A gritty grappler with a trimmed beard and black trunks.
Raquel Santana, 183 cm and 91 kilos, from São Paulo, Brazil. A bodybuilder once, now a bodychecker and getting her body checked out.
*SMACK!*
DS: OW! I didn't say nothing!
SDS: I know what you were thinking. It was written on your face.
DS: We have the same hometown. Was feeling a little pride, that's all.
SDS: Right...
DS: ... Okay, so I follow her on VaniTea, but-
Kambole is immediately a house on fire, blitzing around the ring, keeping the other two off-balance and swinging at air, living up to his moniker.
Eventually, they have to work together. Arslan ducks under Springboard Crossbody by Kambole, who eats a big boot from Santana while in mid-air.
Santana: Sim! (bends over to point at Kambole) Como se sente, hein?!
As she gloats, Arslan moves behind and slaps her hard on the butt, causing her to yelp and bolt upright.
SDS: Come on!
DS: Bastardo sortudo!
SDS: What?
DS: Uh... I said, how dare he?
Arslan places an arm over her shoulder. She angrily tries to elbow him, but he grabs her arm, hooks his leg around hers and performs a Rolling Kneebar.
SDS: Cedarsnap locked in!
Kambole recovers, but it's too late.
Result: Arslan wins via submission.
Arslan leaves the ring without looking back. Santana clutches her knee, while Kambole rubs his jaw and hits the mat in frustration. The aforementioned Ekwueme appears on the stage. The 206-centimetre Nigerian pimp lookalike applauds the Phoenician, who simply looks up at him before heading to the back.
MOSTAFA NASR VS HARLAN GREAVES
Another clash of generations follows. Mostafa Nasr, 193 cm and 110 kilos, from Aswan, Egypt, and the 44th overall pick at the draft. 24 years old, jacked, long-haired, incredibly athletic, and not to mention, a top student of legendary luchador Tonye Carrera, brought up in the same class as the Madhouse's resident Bloodbath Champion, Roger Evans.
He faces another new siHarlan Greaves, a world-weary catch wrestler and skilled brawler from Belfast in Northern Ireland. At 183 cm and just under 108 kilos, he matches up pretty well against the Egyptian in terms of size and strength.
Nasr runs literal circles around him, though, and leaps over him with ease, doing the splits mid-air.
SDS: Incredible!
Upon landing one of these lovely leaps, he is immediately snatched by a Saito Suplex known as the Black Branch.
DS: Incredibly stupid. Playing around like that.
Result: Greaves wins via pinfall.
No comments:
Post a Comment