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SDS: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the 2030 PSW draft. If you're just joining us-
DS: Where the hell have you been? You missed the whole thing.
SDS: Nalah Shabani and Jeffrey Campbell have made their respective final picks in the 6th round. What happens next is completely out of their hands.
Briar Lane: The following is a FINAL SPOT MATCH! Based on the earlier, the individual who wins this match will be drafted to the Monday Madhouse, while the loser goes to the Fight Pit!
DS: Do we really have to be here for this?
SDS: If we want to stay employed, yes.
DS: We're about to watch a match between the two people that nobody wanted.
SDS: We're about to call a match between two competitors who are going to be extra motivated to prove both GMs wrong.
DS: 100 bucks says they don't.
SDS: Oh, so we're back to betting now?
The arena is filled with the sounds of rapid drum beats and shaking tambourines, accompanied by steady electric guitar strums and a piano playing D Minor. A fairly tall, ultra callipygous Indian woman in a sports bra and flare pants walks out of the tunnel and confidently makes her way down the ramp.
DS: ...
SDS: Diogo...
Briar Lane: On the way to the ring, from Kolkata, West Bengal, India, standing 5 foot 8 and weighing in at 160 pounds, the Untouchable SHAY MAHARAJ!
Maharaj waves and blows kisses at the crowd, who range from actively leaving the arena to exhaustion from the night's events to slack-jawed staring to covering the eyes of their young sons.
As she climbs the steps, Diogo bites his finger.
SDS: Please don't.
DS (whispering): Camera man...
SDS: No...
DS: Camera man, zoom! Come on, do your job!
*SMACK*
DS: Ow!
SDS: I warned you, Santos. This entire night, I've been warning you.
DS (rubbing the back of his head): Dammit, Stroligo! You can't tell me not to appreciate a bootyful babe.
SDS (leans in menacingly): Tell me you meant beautiful, or I will smack you again.
DS (defiantly leans in): I am a proud Brazilian man, Darryl.
SDS: You are also, I once again remind you, a married man.
DS (leans back in his chair): Been married 5 times, companheiro. I'll be married be 5 more before I die.
SDS (straightens): Wait, I thought it was just 3! Who were the other...? Never mind! For those unfamiliar, Shay Maharaj made her name in an underground promotion known as S.S.S. Do not let her looks (side-eyeing Diogo) or her current draft status fool you. She is not to be underestimated.
A wolfish howl plays from the speakers, followed by an energetic techno beat. A tall, light-skinned young woman with long black locks, in a sleeveless, thigh-length body suit, runs out of the tunnel.
Both Darryl and Diogo sit bolt upright at the sight of her.
DS (takes off glasses): Darryl...?
SDS: Diogo...
DS: Isn't... that...?
Briar Lane: And the opponent, from Staten Island, New York, in the United States of America, standing 6 foot 5 and weighing in at 212 pounds, SARA BLOOD JR!
DS (throws his glasses, and his hat): Oh no! NO!
SDS: The youngest daughter of Sanka and Sara Williams. I cannot believe it.
Sara Jr bounces on her feet before sprinting down to the ring. She slides in and climbs the nearest turnbuckle, soaking in the cheers that don't exist.
DS: This is going to be a trainwreck!
SDS: Stop being so dramatic. Sara Blood's an incredible athlete.
DS: She's the bosses' baby girl, Darryl! Shabani AND Campbell didn't want her.
SDS: Name value aside, she doesn't have the experience or accomplishments of the vast majority of people we've seen tonight. What she does have is potential.
DS: Potential's a made-up word. 200 bucks.
SDS: What?
DS: I'm increasing the bet. We've got an underground unknown and Filhote de Williams. |-| 200, this match is going to be a mess.
After realising that the crowd isn't budging, Sara Jr hops down from the turnbuckle to face Maharaj. The latter extends a hand. After a moment of hesitation, the taller woman accepts, and they separate before the bell.
SDS: Interesting.
DS: How so?
SDS: The things I've heard about Maharaj are not flattering, but it seems she's eager to start right foot tonight.
DS: Boring.
The match begins and... what a match it is. Yes, it is definitely a match. There are move... ments and falls... on faces.
DS: Do you, uh, wanna give me that 200 now or...?
SDS: I never agreed to that.
DS: Coward.
SDS: And besides, we're still in the early goings.
The match continues...
And continues...
And continues...
And... continues...
SDS: That was... unique, I-I think.
DS: What even was that?
... and continues...
SDS: What a... m-maneuvre?
DS (crying): Façam parar, por favor.
... and continues...
Sara Jr... dominates...
Maharaj occasionally... counters...
The crowd starts emptying out of the building, and those who stay boo.
SDS: You know something, Diogo?
DS: Nnn...?
SDS: These two, they're women.
DS: Yeah?
SDS: Yeah.
DS: Look at eagle eyes over here.
SDS: I just mean that... whoever loses this match, it'll be a big loss.
DS: No, not really.
Random guy in the crowd: You both suck! You both suck!
SDS: I just mean, they're both women, but only one of them can go to the Madhouse, where the Jewell's title is.
DS: And?
SDS: Well, the Jewell is the women's exclusive world championship. Going to the Fight Pit means having a ceiling.
DS: Darryl...
SDS: Yes, Diogo?
DS: You are watching what I am watching, yes?
SDS (sighs): Yes, Diogo... I am.
DS: Then why are you thinking about world titles?
SDS: I just... wanted to inform our viewers.
DS: What. Viewers?
SDS: There are still people here...
Crowd: YOU BOTH SUCK! YOU BOTH SUCK! YOU BOTH SUCK! YOU BOTH SUCK! YOU BOTH SUCK! YOU BOTH SUCK! YOU BOTH SUCK!
Sara Jr, with Maharaj in a powerslam position, is taken aback by the reaction. Maharaj uses this opportunity to clumsily slip out of her grasp. In doing so, she scratches the bigger woman's eye.
SDS: Did you see that?
DS: I just want this to end.
SDS: Maharaj just clawed Sara Jr in the eye.
DS: Darryl, it was clearly an accident. These garotas are just useless in that ring.
With Sara Jr dealing with her eye, Maharaj attempts a schoolgirl roll-up, but Sara Jr is too strong. She reaches down to grab Maharaj by the hair, but Maharaj's hand is faster.
SDS: Okay, that was 100% deliberate!
DS: She was just trying to punch her.
SDS: She plucked out her eyelash, Diogo.
DS: Accidents happen.
Sara Jr stumbles away, rubbing her eye while the referee reprimands Maharaj, who slowly stands up, playing dumb.
Sara Jr recovers and rages.
SDS: Blood now with a head of steam. Oh my God! The referee's down!
DS: She almost cut her in half!
SDS: Sara Blood Jr was going for a spear, or perhaps it was the Rabid Rush, her mother's signature move. Maharaj pulled the referee-
DS: Hold on there, that's a serious accusation. Maharaj was arguing with the ref-
SDS: About the eyelash pull!
DS: -and Sara Jr was running half-blind. It was bound to happen.
SDS: It was blatant, and you know- OH NO! A low-blow by Maharaj!
DS: Okay, that one was on purpose.
SDS: Referee's down. Blood was checking on her and Maharaj with the tip of her boot right between the legs.
The crowd's scattered boos and insults pause before suddenly refocusing on the Untouchable one. Who has a conflicted look on her face as Sara Jr lies on the floor, kicking and groaning.
DS: You know, I've met some girls who are into that sort of thing.
SDS: Santos, I am going to- Now where's she going?
Maharaj exits the ring and approaches the time-keeper's area, where she begins to play tug-o-war for the ring bell.
Maharaj: Let go. Give it to me. I said GIVE IT!
She slaps the timekeeper and snatches away the bell, earning even more of the crowd's ire. Some of the fans who were heading out stop and watch.
SDS: She's assaulting the timekeeper. What the Earth is wrong with you?!
DS: He brought it on himself, Darryl.
SDS: Sara Blod Jr getting back to her feet. Maharaj back in the ring with that bell. I do not like this, Diogo!
DS: I love it, Darryl!
SDS: Referee's still down. Blood doesn't realise what it's store for-
DS: Oh no, she does!
SDS: RABID RUSH! Rabid Rush and this time she DOES NOT MISS!
The crowd explodes... with cheers... for Sara Blood Jr.
DS: Darryl, Sara Jr, she spun like a drill and speared Maharaj out of her boots!
SDS: And now, she's hooking the leg. This should be it!
Crowd: 1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6! 7! 8! 9! 10!
SDS: Dammit, the referee's still down.
DS: The only people in this business who get to sleep on the job.
Sara Jr gets up and walks over to the ref to try and revive. She shakes and screams and lifts the zebra off the ground, several times.
DS: Maharaj is moving. She's crawling to that bell.
SDS: The ref is starting to come to. Blood needs to refocus on Maharaj.
DS: She's got the bell, Darryl. She's getting back to her feet.
SDS: Turn around, Sara. Turn around!
She does and gets kicked in the got, before eating the bell.
SDS: NO!
DS: YES!
The referee, still dazed from having the wind knocked out of her, starts to rise. Maharaj frantically looks around and slides the bell out of the ring, before crawling over to the prone form of Sara Jr. Just in time for the ref to notice.
SDS: Not like this, come on!
Ref: 1... 2... 3!
SDS: Shay Maharaj is Madhouse-bound.
DS: And she embarrassed the bosses' daughter while she did it. I knew I liked this girl.
SDS: Few minutes ago, you were calling her useless!
DS: That was before she started living up to that reputation you were talking about.
Maharaj gets up, clutching her ribs. The ref tries to raise her hand in victory, but Maharaj pulls her arm away and tells her to shoo. Maharaj then looks down on the still-dazed Sara Jr. She turns her back to the bigger woman and starts kicking her heels at her before leaving the ring.
SDS: Seriously? How disrespectful can you get?
DS: When you win, you get to rub it in.
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