PSW Madhouse Episode 4 - Queen Cobra vs Empress Ngozi (c)

A.B. (gripping his headset): Hello? Is anyone listening back there? Miller? I need to know what Queen Cobra was talking to the GM about. 

Briar Lane: The following contest is a submission match, and it is for the Psycho Style Wrestling Jewells Championship!

The lights dim and sombre violin music is heard as Queen Cobra crawls out onto the grass.

Dominga: Alf, main event. Get a grip.

A.B.: Dammit. (composes himself) Three weeks ago, at Ascension, Queen Cobra, the inaugural Jewell's Champion, was defeated in a submission match for that very title, and she has been relentless in her pursuit to get it back.

Dominga: Talk about coming full circle, although I think things are going to play out differently. With respect.

A.B.: It is true that Queen Cobra's flexibility and dexterity almost allowed her to retain the championship.

Shamoon: And she didn't tap out in that match; she was choked out after nearly breaking Ngozi's arm. That same arm, which is no doubt still bothering her. With respect.

A.B.: The Empress is looking for a definitive win to not give The Queen any excuses.

Dominga: But what happens if she loses?

A.B.: She's not going to.

Shamoon: You said that two weeks ago. With respect.

The Cobra crawls into the ring and slowly stands up; the lights come. She turns around to face the ramp.

The bombastic, regal theme blasts through the speakers as Empress Ngozi makes her way out of the tunnel. The Apia crowd cheers, with some of them bowing in reverence. She smiles and gives the people on either side a royal wave before briskly marching to the ring, her orange visor-like sunglasses hiding her true emotions. Queen Cobra paces around the ring on all fours, eyeing her dangerously.

A.B.: The Empress, walking with purpose towards what may be one of the toughest fights of her phenomenal career.

Dominga: It could be her last. With respect.

She climbs onto the apron, the referee sitting on the middle rope for ease of access. Once in the centre of the ring, she extends her arms, the right arm being noticeably slower to rise. She then goes to her corner, removing her visor and handing it to a crewman.

Briar Lane is about to speak, but holds her earpiece.

Briar Lane: Ladies and Gentlemen, I have just received word from General Manager, Nalah Shabani. At the request of the challenger, this submission match will be no disqualification.

A.B. (stands up): WHAAAAAAAAAAATTT???!!!

Dominga: So that's what she was talking to Shabani about.

Shamoon: That sneaky witch!

A.B.: Why? Why would she do this?

Dominga: Well, with respect, Ngozi did kind of piss on her authority-

A.B.: SHE DID NO SUCH THING!

Dominga (moves away with hands up): It's just a theory and clearly the GM felt some kind of way.

Shamoon: With respect to the GM, that's a little much.

Ngozi (narrows her eyes at the leering Queen Cobra and nods).

Ngozi: No excuses!

Cobra (smiling with bare fangs): No exsscusssesss!

Shamoon: She's really okay with this?

A.B.: No, Ngozi, this is a bad decision! No DQ means Cobra can use her venom in full sight of the ref, and she can't do anything about it.

Dominga: It's like you said, there won't be any excuse for Queen Cobra not winning, because winning is going to be a whole lot easier.

A.B. (sits down): Now... don't get me wrong. This match is dangerous, but The Empress has had the odds stacked against her before.

Dominga: Before, yes. But you heard her, times have changed.

Briar Lane: So the following contest is now a no disqualification submission match for the PSW Jewells Championship! 

The crowd pops.

Briar Lane: Introducing first, from Blackpool, Lancashire, England, she is the former and first-ever Jewell's Champion, standing 5 feet 11 and weighing in at 132 pounds, QUEEN COOOOOBRAAAAA!!!

Crowd unleashes a wave of boos, jeers and hisses at her. She laughs at them.

Briar Lane: And the champion, from Port Harcourt, Rivers State, Nigeria, standing 6 feet tall and weighing in at 208 pounds, she is the reigning, defending Bearer of the Jewell, NGOZI - EEEMPRESS OF THE SQUARED CIRCLLLLE!!!

Ngozi raises the belt over her head, the crowd showing their love, their reverence and appreciation for her. She then hands the belt over to the now Second Head Referee, Georgia Holliday, who raises it above her head. For all to see.

Cobra does long-legged stretches in her corner while licking her fangs. Ngozi rotates her wrists and cracks her neck.

Holliday hands the belt over to a crewman at the ringside and then orders the bell to ring.

Queen Cobra gets down on all fours, while Ngozi takes a wrestling stance. They circle each other, the Serpent-woman inching closer with every step.

And then she lunges forward in true reptilian fashion, mouth wide open, attempting to bite Ngozi's leg. The latter sidesteps her and quickly creates space.

A.B.: Queen Cobra immediately dangling the lack of rules in front of the champion. Letting her know that those fangs are at the ready.

Dominga: Ngozi's a technician and a submission specialist. Both of those styles require full body contact, which means Cobra can bite her at any time.

Shamoon: Her best option would be to go for the legs, but Cobra's four-legged stance doesn't leave that kind of opening.

Ngozi watches her carefully. Cobra raises her posterior like a cat in heat, only to rush forward, snapping at the Empress's shins.

Ngozi keeps jumping back until she reaches a corner. She attempts to block another lunge with kicks, but Cobra bobs and weaves on all fours before sliding out of the ring headfirst. In one swift motion, the Queen under grabs the post, uses it to swing around and grabs Ngozi's other leg.

Dominga: Dios Mío...

Shamoon: A human being should not move like that!

Cobra pulls Ngozi's leg out from under her, making her fall. She tries to bite the leg, but Ngozi kicks and crawls away.

A.B.: That was way too close. Cobra's speed and reflexes are putting her at an incredible advantage.

Cobra follows back into the ring, hissing.

A.B.: Cobra like a wild animal tonight. Abandoning all reason in pursuit of the Jewel's Championship! She will

The crowd rallies behind Ngozi.

Crowd: Ta o, Empress! *clap clap, clap clap* Ta o, Empress!

Ngozi continues to crawl on her hands and knees; Cobra comes up beside her and goes straight for the right arm, the same arm that was injured at Ascension. Big mistake. 

A.B.: CAUGHT! The Empress catches Cobra with a Sleeper Hold! Looking for a repeat of Ascension! Cobra trying to get out of it, but Ngozi turning it into a Rear Naked Choke. Legs wrapped around the waist. Arm under the chin, keeping that fanged mouth shut! The animal has been trapped!

Holliday (sliding in): Cobra! Cobra, do you submit? Do you want to quit?

Shamoon: If she can hold it long enough, she'll win!

Cobra punches the elbow under her chin.

A.B.: Cobra going after the arm. Ngozi for lets go.

Cobra rotates and pins Ngozi's wrists to the mat.

Dominga: Cobra's got the Empress down.

Shamoon: In a normal match this would be a pinfall, but-

Cobra slowly opens her mouth at an almost 90° angle. Her fangs and the inside of her throat are in full view of the wide-eyed Empress. A lime-green substance drips from Cobra's gums onto Ngozi's face. The crowd screams with shock and horror.

Shamoon (wide-eyed terror): WHAT THE F***???!!!

Dominga (same): ¡¡¡DULCE VIRGEN MARÍA!!!

A.B. (same): SHE'S A DEMON! THERE'S NO OTHER EXPLANATION!!!

Ngozi narrows her eyes, grits her teeth and powers out of the pinning predicament.

A.B.: But there's the strength! The God-given power of the Empress! She will not be intimidated by-

Ngozi forcefully frees her hands, grabs Cobra's face... and KISSES her!

A.B.: Huh?

Dominga: What?

Shamoon: Whoa!

Cobra tries to scramble away, flailing her arms about, but the Empress holds her in place. Holliday just kneels there slackjawed.

A.B.: Ah.. I-I-I- Ag-g-gh-gh-gh- Co- WHAT

Shamoon: The Empress! The Empress is kissing the Queen! She is swapping spit in the middle of the ring!

Dominga: DON'T JUST SAY THAT, YOU MORON!

A.B. (hands on his head): I-I-I-AAAAAHHH!!

Dominga: What the hell is happening?!

Eventually, Ngozi relents, pushing Cobra away slightly and staring into her flabbergasted eyes for a full 10 seconds. The Empress then proceeds to spit Cobra's own venom into those same eyes.

Shamoon: Oh... OH! VENOM ON THE EYES! COBRA'S GOT VENOM IN HER EYES!!! 

Dominga: COBRA'S BLINDED! SHE CAN'T SEE!

The Queen shrieks and wriggles around in pain, clawing at her own eyes as if to pull the toxic liquid out by hand. Holliday attempts to check with her, trying to grab her and help.

Ngozi gets up, spitting several times and wiping her mouth in disgust. She starts to wobble, feeling the effects of Cobra's venom that she had directly ingested, but manages to stay on her feet as she walks to the ropes and exits the ring. Balducci watches her, with his mouth slightly open and his eyes squinting.

Shamoon: Ngozi out of the ring. No disqualification. What is she-... She's got the belt! Ngozi's got the Jewell's title!

Dominga: Is she going to run away with it? She can barely walk.

Shamoon: No, she's back in the ring! I think we know what's coming!

Dominga: LOOK OUT CO- Oh, wait-

Cobra scrambles to her feet with the aid of the ropes, shaking her head, rubbing her eyes, wandering around the ring.

Shamoon: NGOZI WITH THE TITLE TO THE FACE! Cobra's out! COBRA. IS. OUT!

Dominga: But it's a submission match. Hey, Alf, you wanna pitch in here?

The Empress grabs both the Queen's legs. The crowd pops yet again as she steps through and locks in her version of the iconic Scorpion Hold, also known as a Sharpshooter, which she calls…

A.B. (sighs deeply and inhales): DELTA! DELTA DECOROUS DOMINATION!

Dominga: But wait a minute. Cobra's already out!

Georgia Holliday raises Cobra's arm once, twice, three times and calls for the bell at which point Ngozi falls forward on her face. 

A.B.: It's over! It is FINALLY... over. 

Briar Lane: Here is your winner and STILL Psycho Style Wrestling Jewell's Champion, NGOZI - EMPRESS OF THE SQUARED CIRCLE!

Shamoon: THAT... was the... weirdest... craziest...scariest... most confusing submission match I've ever seen! AND I LOVE IT! All hail the Empress! 

Dominga: I call that finish dubious! It's easy to win a "submission" match when your opponent is already unconscious!

Shamoon: Yeah, sure. And Cobra running to the GM to change the match stipulation wasn't dubious?

Dominga: Actually, it was pretty straightforward.

Shamoon: Ha! Right. Well, I guess you could say Cobra's politicking came back to... bite her.

Dominga (her face a mask of exasperation fighting a smile): ... I hate you. I really want you to know that.

Shamoon: Sure. Alf, what do you think? Alf?

Balducci keeps his eyes intently focused on the ring. Cobra is being moved aside by Georgia Holliday, and has just handed Ngozi the Jewell's title. Ngozi starts pushing herself off the mat, but suddenly places a hand over her mouth as if to prevent herself from vomiting. 

After forcing the bile back down her throat, the Empress stands, raising her head high and the Jewell even higher to a thunderous standing ovation from the natives of Apia, Samoa.

A.B. (closes his eyes and shakes his head): That woman... She is... unbelievable.

Shamoon: Unbelievably amazing? 

A.B.: She is going to get the earful of a lifetime.

Shamoon: What about the kissing thing? I'm not sure she had a choice. Cut her some slack.

Dominga: And that is why no one will ever marry you.

Balducci puts his hands together and lets out a deep groan.

Shamoon: Come on. She's finally put Cobra in her place. You should be happy.

A.B. (lowers his hands, opens his eyes and speaks with dangerous bass): Of course I am. Happiest man in the world.

Both Alvarez and Shamoon gulp.

Dominga: Well, we still have the Valentine's Brawl in 3 weeks, so maybe leave her alive until then?

A.B.: Heh. No promises. (Looks at the camera) But I can promise YOU that you can catch us next week, when the Solomon Islands play host to the Monday Night Madhouse!

He quickly takes off his headset and heads for the ring as Ngozi falls against the ropes, still holding her Jewell's Championship as the Madhouse comes to a close.