A growling female voice yells, “Faavalevale!” and the crowd comes completely unglued. A deep male voice yells, “Porangi!” then an even deeper male voice roars, "Vale!” All three then scream together, "MADNESS!" before deep bass guitar and tribal drums hit.
Lulu Asovale comes out first, her beaded braids covering her eyes. Hunapo Henare and Kaivao Manu flank her, rolling shoulders and frothing at the mouth, respectively. The trio makes their way down the ramp, each holding a mic.
A.B.: The Madness are Mount Hagen. Wherever they go, trouble follows.
Shamoon: Actually, I think trouble is usually in front of them, running for its life.
Dominga: And it's never fast enough.
They enter the ring. Asovale spreads her arms while Henare howls like a wolf and Manu headbangs.
Shamoon: Maybe it's just the whole Pacific Tour thing, but it's crazy how popular they've been! Listen to this place! I mean, not to get "smarky", but they're heels. They're bad guys.
Dominga: Who decided that?
Shamoon: They're constantly jumping people! They almost jumped Sarah Esposito just now.
A.B.: Speak for yourself. Though I have to concede, they have an odd charm I can't quite explain, but it's not one I haven't seen time and time again.
Asovale: MOOUUUUNT HAAAAAAAAAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNN!!!!
The crowd screams again.
Aovale: Welcome... to... the... MAAAAAAAADHOOOOOUUUUUUUUUSSSSSEEE!!!
One more time.
Asovale (leans forward against the rope): Any of youse catch the Fight Pit last Friday? Was a bloody ripper show, wasn't it? Heaps of action, heaps of bashin', and guess what? We got ourselves new Tag Team Champions!
The crowd pops.
A.B.: That we do. Team Wallace defeated Pandemonium to become the first-ever 2x Tag Team Supreme. It was a shocking turn of events, to say the least.
Dominga: Come on! It's clear as day; they were handed those belts!
Asovale: Gotta be honest, I was a bit gutted. All the bloody hype, the build-up, the sheer terror that "Mother of Darkness" and them two masked golems she popped outta her clacker put into everyone and their mama, and they CHOKED!
A.B.: What does "clacker" mean?
Dominga: Use your brain, old man.
Shamoon: I wouldn't say they choked. Hổn Loạn was forced to fight by himself for the sake of some kind of mind ga-
Asovale: But nah, it don't matter! Don't matter who the champs are, 'cause we already said it...
All Three: WE. GOT. NEXT!
Asovale (holds up a finger and wags it): BUT, Mama Tình Nhân, just 'cause yer boys ain't got the gold no more don't mean yer safe. (drops hand and glares) See, we ain't forgot what went down when we took a little squiz into the Pit last month. We ain't forgot how ya used that creepy Asian hoodoo, voodoo, whatever the bloody hell it was, ta fling us out an' dump us right in the middle o' traffic! WE AIN'T FORGOT!!!
The crowd pops. Manu's body balloons with rage. Henare's muscles tense as he grits his teeth.
Asovale: Now, leavin' us alive? That was your first bloody mistake. Second one was last Friday, when you showed the whole world that your big tough blokes ain't the unstoppable legends everyone reckoned they were. They're just blokes. Real tall (holds up her free hand above her head), real big (flexes that same arm) blokes, but ordinary, mortal men, all the same.
A.B.: I'm not so sure about that.
Asovale: And blokes bleed, too. An' that's exactly what they're gonna do, mate—what you're gonna do—'cause we're headin' back to the Fight Pit!
The crowd pops.
Asovale: And we're comin' back for BLOOD-
Henare: AFTER we take those Tag Team titles!
The pop stops. Manu's eyes go wide. Asovale freezes, blinks, and turns her head to look at him.
Dominga: Uh oh.
Asovale: What?
Henare (confused): We'll go after Pandemonium after we beat the Wallaces for the Tag Team titles. That's the plan, right?
Asovale: Of course, that's the bloody plan. What'd ya go an' cut me off for?
Henare: I was jus' clarifyin'; makin' sure there's no confusion-
Asovale (turns to look up at him fully): Confusion? Are ya callin' me confused?
Henare: I wasn't callin' ye confused. I was just makin' sure everybody else knew what the bloody hell we're prioritisin'.
Asovale: What're we-? First off, who the bloody hell gives a toss about everyone else? And second, our 'priorities' are whatever the hell I reckon they are. Got it?
Henare looks up in frustration.
Asovale: OI! Do ya got it?
Henare (looms over her, looking intensely into her eyes): ... Yeah, I got it.
Asovale (leans back a little, turning her head slightly): ... Good. (looks into the camera) Now, as I was sayin'-
A foreboding guitar riff suddenly blasts through the speakers to a loud pop.
A.B.: What the- That's the Drako Triad's music!
Dominga: What do those fire-breathing freaks want?
"♪♪ Hey, you
Did you think you'd make it out alive?
The beasts are rising
There's nowhere left for you to hi-ee-i-ee-i-ee-ide ♪♪"
The riff returns. Drako Vi, White, wearing a vest and a backwards hat over her violet hair, hop-scotches her way out. Drako Nyx, Black, bearing green in her hair, eyes and gear, saunters by her side.
"♪♪ We are the fire in the naaa-aha-aha-ight!
The nightmare coming at your door
All for one, and one for all, so faaa-aha-aha-ight!
Bleed, and burn, and fall and fear no more
We are the Fire In The Night ♪♪"
Shamoon: This is such a great theme song.
Dominga: No, it's not.
A.B.: It is, though.
Dominga: No, it isn't.
Shamoon: Yes, it is. You're just being a hater.
The Hoydens from Hunt's Cross stop at the base of the ramp. They look up at the three powerful Polynesians in the ring, then behind them.
And out comes their heavy Drako Kael, 6 feet 8 and well over 300 pounds of muscle with huge spiky red hair, completely white eyes and piercings around his lips.
A.B.: Is it just me, or does he have a tail wrapped around his waist?
"♪♪ We are the fire in the naaa-aha-aha-ight!
The nightmare coming at your door
All for one, and one for all, so faaa-aha-aha-ight!
Bleed, and burn, and fall and fear no more
We are the Fire In The Night ♪♪"
Asovale (taps Henare on the chest and mouths): He's bigger than you.
Henare clicks his tongue. Manu keeps his eyes on them.
Kael holds a microphone in each of his huge hands, which he gives over to his harem, so that they may be heard. The music fades.
Vi: Mount Hagen!
The crowd pops.
Dominga: Cheap pop.
Vi: Here... be... DRRRRRRAAAGONSSSS!!!
They pop again.
Asovale (un-miced): Mine was louder!
Vi: The Madness! A power unmatched within the Madhouse walls. Or so 'tis said.
Nyx (pointing up the ramp): Within yon locker rooms doth every soul go pale at the shadow of you three. Aye, every woman and man, down to the General Manager herself, whose office cannot steel her quaking heart. But we? We are not of their trembling kind. Nay, we have hungered for this meeting, thirsted for it as the parched earth doth crave the rain.
The Shakespearean dialect catches the Madness and the crowd completely by surprise. Manu cocks his head. Henare does a double take. Asovale leans her head forward with wide eyes.
Shamoon: Woah...
Dominga: I was... not expecting that.
A.B. (chuckling): Disorienting, isn't it? You should have seen the look on Sara Williams' face when she first met them.
Vi: And yet, I must confess, we are but little pleased by thine own want of self-knowledge.
Nyx: Thou speak'st of Pandemonium's fallen host, and truly dost thou say they were shown mortal. But what of thee? What hast ye shown? Hast ye not shown yourselves fractured? Splintered in your focus? Vulnerable to division? Dost ye not bear cracks within your cohesion?
Vi: No such afflictions do we know.
Kael suddenly grabs them by the waist, eliciting a loud "OOOH!" from Nyx, and lifts them onto the apron. He then climbs the apron and steps on the middle rope for them to enter
Nyx (blushing slightly): Thank you, Kael.
He himself then steps over the top rope.
Dominga (sobbing): It's not fair. Why can't I find a man like that?
A.B.: Would you like a list or diagram?
Asovale puts her hands out to keep Manu and Henare back, while cocking an eyebrow and smiling with curiosity. The ladies from Liverpool are dwarfed, save for their male counterpart, who stands behind them with his arms folded.
Vi: And now thou dost proclaim your hunger for a tilt at the Tag Team Championships? As though the prize were tribute owed to you by right!
Nyx: Nay, 'tis a laurel purchased with thews and toil, and we have bled o'er much to claim our rightful tilt!
Asovale smile goes away. Her cocked brow lowers and both of them frown. Manu and Henare both growl. Kael lets out a growl of his own, deeper, older, reptilian.
Nyx: Ere thou dost dare defy the Wallace brethren, wherefore dost thou not accept our challenge? Next week, in Nouméa, New Caledonia, the Drako Triad vs the Madness. Whosoever winneth shall advance to the Valentine's Brawl, there to contend for the Tag Team Championships!
The crowd pops.
Dominga: Are they crazy?
Shamoon: I mean check the records. They are the only other Madhouse team with a legitimate claim to a Tag Team title shot. So it does make sense. Not sure it's a good idea though...
A.B.: What will the Madness' answer be?
Asovale looks at Manu, who nods. She looks at Henare, who nods as well. She then stops holding them back and raises the microphone.
Asovale: ... BROTHERS! Do you hear that? Do you see that? Do you feel that? It's-
Manu: A challenge!
Asovale: It's-
Henare: A fool's errand!
Asovale: It's-
Manu: A fight!
Asovale: It's-
Henare: A death sentence!
Asovale (holds mic in both hands): NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! ... It... is...
All Three: MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADNEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!
The crowd explodes.
A.B.: I THINK THAT'S A YES! WHAT A CONTEST WE HAVE IN STORE FOR US NEXT WEEK!
The Islanders drop their microphones as their deep bass guitar and tribal drum theme hits once again.
Dominga: I'll admit, I am hyped- Oh no!
The Madness lunge forward to attack, but the dragons unleash a trifecta of infernos, burning the mat beneath their feet. Asovale and her "brothers" leap back in genuine, but momentary terror at the wall of flame before them.
Shamoon: WOAH! WOAH! WOAH!
Dominga: FIRE!
The Drakos smile, baring their needle-like teeth as the Madness' tribal drums are consumed by the guitar riff and vocals, continuing the song from where it left off.
"♪♪ Hey, you
You should know better than to try
You built your kingdom
Now watch it burn before your eye-ee-eye-ee-eyes ♪♪"
Kael picks Vi and Nyx up and carries them over the top rope before climbing out. Asovale watches them leave with sheer contempt, which slowly morphs into a smirk, then she laughs. Manu soon follows, as does Henare.
"♪♪ We are the fire in the naaa-aha-aha-ight!
The nightmare coming at your door
All for one, and one for all, so faaa-aha-aha-ight!
Bleed, and burn, and fall and fear no more
We are the Fire In The Night ♪♪"
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