Briar Lane: Your main event of the evening is a Six-Person Tag Team Match, and it is scheduled for one fall!
Crowd: One fall!
A growling female voice is heard yelling “Faavalevale!” The four wrestlers in the ring stop fighting at the look at the stage. A deep male voice yells “Porangi!” then an even deeper male voice roars “Vale!” All three then together scream, "MADNESS!" before a deep bass guitar and tribal drums are heard.
The titantron shows chains swinging from side to side as the sliding doors open. Asovale comes out first, her beaded braids covering her eyes. Henare and Manu flank her, rolling shoulders and frothing at the mouth respectively. The crowd reaction is a mix of boos and cheers, all loud.
Briar Lane: On the way to the ring, at a combined wait of 857 pounds, Lulu Asovale, Hunapo Henare and Kaivao Manu, THE MAAAAAAAADNNEEEEESSSS!!!
A.B.: Over the last few weeks, this trio have been unstoppable and they have collective victims out the Track Queens and the Jabbars.
Shamoon: Whoa! "Victims" isn't the right word.
Dominga: You're right. We need two words, like "Road Kill".
Shamoon: That's one word.
Dominga: The kind you run over and over again.
A.B.: It certainly started with "being run over", but last week, in that Triple Threat Tag Team Match, it evolved to "bombs away".
Shamoon: A 350-pound man should not be able to fly like that.
A.B.: But he did, crushing Elsa and Chakir. What we saw after was Elsa extending the olive branch proposing an EIGHT-person tag for tonight. The Queens and the Twins vs the Madness and a partner of their choosing. It was a way to finally get a tactical and numerical advantage to put Asovale and her "brothers" off-balance.
Dominga: Do those three look "balanced" to you, Balducci?
Manu holds his knees and headbangs in the middle of the ring. Henare howls like a wolf. Asovale just stands with her arms spread, grinning like an crocodile.
The crowd pops as a bopping beat is heard. Two tiger outlines, one orange and one green, slide onto the titantron from either side and overlap each other. The JabbarTV logo appears on screen over a series of video clips showing the Jabbar twins performing crazy wrestling moves on each other in all manner of locations.
A.B.: ...
Chelem walks out, alone, still with his camera in hand recording the fans. The titantron displays his camera feed, which finds itself pointed at the ring, where Asovale waves it him. He lowers it and gulps.
Briar Lane: And the opponents, first, from Karachi, Sindh, Pakistan, standing 5 foot 11 and weighing in at 192 pounds, representing JabbarTV, Chelem Jabbar!
A.B.: As we saw earlier, Chakir Jabbar decided to pursue a singles glory and suffered a back injury at the hands of the Bloodbath Champion, Roger Evans in a Ladder Match. Chelem is on his own here.
Shamoon: With two partners who probably hate his guts.
Dominga: They only have themselves to blame for giving these internet dorks the time of day.
Pillars of smoke rise on the stage. Elsa and Eeva, twin ponytails and twin high buns, speed out of the sliding doors with their helmets, respective red and purple plaid skirts and roller skates, completely ignoring Chelem.
A.B.: Not good.
Briar Lane: And his partners, at a combined weight of 262 pounds, Elsa and Eeva, the TRACK QUEENS!
The Queens slide to a stop at the base of the ramp, glaring up at the powerful Polynesians in the ring. Chelem catches up to do the same, but the Queens split off to ride around the ring, leaving him alone once again.
Shamoon: Really not good.
Dominga: You what else isn't good? Lei D, the Aqua-rinas, I know she doesn't really count, but Esposito, and Leota herself have all taken Ls tonight. The Queens are the only ones left from the "Mother Hen's" house and I don't like their chances, especially with that guy on their team.
A.B.: Chelem and his brother have both shown themselves to be incredible talented athletes who could far this businesses. They've also shown themselves to be idiots.
Chelem gets on the apron and is about to enter the ring, but the Queens are in faster. They both point at him, an angry unspoken warning, to which he responds with a nod before Eeva steps out.
A.B.: It looks Elsa will start this one for her team.
On the other side of the ring, Asovale smirks and throws her thumbs over her shoulders. Henare and Manu exit the ring.
A.B.: And it's "Sister Lulu" starting for the Madness. Her first real match since the Fatal-4-Way Cage Match at Ascension to crown the first Bloodbath Champion, not that she hasn't been physically involved since.
Dominga: You know it's kind of wierd that she hasn't gone after Evans.
Shamoon: I'm not complaining.
Dominga: I AM!
Referee Fabiola Aquarone calls for the bell. Elsa and Asovale circle each other.
Chelem (camcorder in hand): You got this, Elsa!
A.B.: In week 1, when the Queens FACED the Jabbars, I made note of the size disparity, but look at this. Elsa Filipsson: 5'7", 132 pounds, Lulu Asovale: 5'10", 241 pounds.
Shamoon: Alf, there have been 100-pound World Champions. It's really not thatbig of a deal.
A.B.: Son, I've called the careers of those very people. They are exceptions, a rare breed.
Dominga: Look, it's a big factor, but a drop in th bucket in this environment.
A.B.: Asovale with a clothesline. Beautiful dodge from Filipsson. Sweeping the legs. Standing Moonsault and Asovale kicks out with authority! Just throwing Filipsson off her.
Dominga: Okay, it's half the bucket. The other half is the teamwork. Filipsson and Mustonen showed that they work together excellently. They raced each other for years, and now they're a team. Cool. The Jabbars are twins. They share half a brain cell between them. Great. In this match, they're all strangers who barely tolerate each other. The Madness? They grew up together. Asovale and Manu, especially. They are a family unit. They don't even need to know what the other is thinking.
Shamoon: I don't think they think at all.
Dominga: I guess you have that much in common.
A.B.: Filipsson with a tag. In comes Mustonen. Ducks under another clothesline. Kick to the back of the knee. Kick to the back of the head-ASOVALE DIDN'T FEEL IT!
Shamoon: Eeva's stunned!
Asovale knocks Eeva off her skates with a Throat Thrust.
Dominga: Eeva's down!
Asovale picks Eeva off the mat and throws into the Madness's corner. Eeva tries to lunge forward, but gets shoved back in and stomped like a puddle.
A.B.: There's the tag. In comes Hunapo Henare. 6'6", 266 pounds. And now he's choking Mustonen with his boot!
Aquarone: Get your foot off her throat, Henare! Come on. 1! 2! 3! 4!
Henare moves away, while Eeva gasps for air.
Shamoon: Talk about edgy.
Dominga: It's not edgy, it's strategy. Can't wrestle if you can't breathe.
Shamoon: I'm talking about his stats. So many 6s.
Dominga: That's his physique. What are you talking?
A.B.: Henare now stomping away at Eeva. Referee with a new count. He could get disqal- Tag. In comes the Tongan Terror, Kaivao Manu. 6'2", 350, stomping on Eeva. Tag to Asovale. More stomps. Henare in again. Stomps. Manu. Stomps. They are just destroying Eeva Mustonen in the corner!
Shamoon: It's a Samoan Stampede!
Dominga: There's only one Samoan in the ring. Quit being racist!
Shamoon: I wasn't being racist, I was looking for alliteration!
A.B.: Call it the Polynesian Pain Parade because Asovale is marching! She is marching around the ring, and there's a Running Hip Attack in the corner. Mustonen's head sandwiched against the turnbuckle.
Asovale drags Eeva away from the corner and pins her.
A.B.: Kick out at 2 by Mustonen!
Dominga: Tough little, bitch. I'll give her that.
A.B.: Indeed, and speaking of Samoa. I'd like to remind everyone that starting next week, we are in the city of Apia as part of the PSW Pacific Tour! We'll be going on these tours periodically throughout the year. You may never know where you'll find us next.
Dominga: I wonder if Mustonen knows where she is.
A.B.: Nowhere near her corner and that's a problem.
Elsa: Eeva! Eeva, come on!
Chelem (still recording, while slapping the turnbuckle): You've got to get up! Fight! Up!
Asovale drags Eeva back to her corner.
A.B.: Tag to Henare and the Maori Menace is back in. What is it about his height and weight that bothers you so much, Aazif?
Shamoon: You're both Catholics, right? All those 6s don't bother you?
A.B.: As Dominga pointed out, those are his physical attributes.
Shamoon: I know, but like you have to go to the gym and tailor your workout and your diet to get those specific. I mean, come on.
Dominga: What do you know about it? You haven't been to a gym since high school.
Shamoon: Hey!
A.B.: Dominga, -There's a backbreaker by Henare- that was not nice.
Shamoon: It's also not true. I was in a gym two days ago.
Dominga: A DnD meet-up in someone else's High School doesn't count.
Shamoon: That's beside the- How'd you know it was DnD?
A.B.: Tag to Manu.
Dominga: ... Just... sh...
Shamoon: Just what?
A.B.: My God! Henare throwing Eeva into the air-SAMOAN DROP BY MANU!
Dominga: It's over!
Manu pins Eeva, while Henare acts as a block. Elsa gets in the ring, slides between his legs and breaks up the pinfall a millisecond before the 3-count.
A.B.: No it's not! Elsa keeping this match alive.
Shamoon: Chelem didn't move a muscle to help at all. He's still recording!
Dominga: Someone smash that stupid camera over his head.
Elsa tries to get out of the ring, but Henare grabs her and lifts her up with a wedgie.
Dominga: Hahaha!
He sends her shoulder first into the turnbuckle and leaves the ring on orders form Aquarone.
Asovale (gripping the ropes, leaning in): MANU! FLY!
The crowd comes unglued at that command.
Shamoon: Oh no.
Manu drags Eeva near the adjacent corner and starts climbing.
A.B.: And here it comes. The dreaded Manusault.
Shamoon: With all the punishment Eeva's taken tonight, he'll kill her!
Dominga: And look at this idiot, Jabbar. He's still filming!
Chelem walks along the apron, getting closer to Manu as the latter climbs. The young Pakistani looks at the camcorder in his hands and frowns just Manu reaches the top.
Chelem (tapping Manu): Hey, big guy. Can you hold this for a second?
Manu (looks at Chelem, confused): Huh?
Chelem: Just a second.
Asovale: Manu! Manu, what're you doin'?
Manu takes the camera.
Dominga: What is going on?
Chelem: Thanks.
He then grabs the Tongans foot and pulls it out from under him, causing Manu to crotch himself on the turnbuckle.
Dominga: WHAT?!
Asovale & Henare: NO!
As Manu howls with pain, Chelem takes the camera and climbs the turnbuckle.
Chelem (pointing camera at Manu): SMILE! (punches him).
A.B.: Manu in the Tree of Woe! Chelem Jabbar has just thwarted the Manusault!
Chelem beckons the crowd to make noise as he returns to his team's corner. He closes and puts down the camera and then reaches into the ring.
A.B.: Jabbar calling for the tag! He's bought Eeva time and now he's calling for the tag!
Dominga: Now, he wants in?
Shamoon: If they want any chance of winning this match, they don't have a choice! Eeva has got to make the tag!
A.B.: Mustonen coming too. Scratching and clawing and dragging herself to the corner. Jabbar is begging and screaming to be let into this match! Manu is still in the Tree of Woe! Henare getting him down, but the damage to the crotch has been done!
Asovale: Manu! Get up! GET UP!
Chelem: EEVA! COME ON!
A.B.: Manu is moving! Crawling back to his own corner. Mustonen nearly at hers. Who's going get there first?!
Dominga: Manu made the tag!
A.B.: In comes Henare...
The Maori charges in just as Eeva finds the strength to leap into a tag.
A.B.: ... AND HERE COMES CHELEM JABBAAAR!!!
Chelem catches Henare with a Springboard Crossbody. He gets up quickly and rushes at Asovale with a dropkick.
A.B.: Asovale knocked off the apron. Lands on her feet. Jabbar... with a Suicide Dive!
Shamoon: The Samoan Sicko's down!
Dominga: Back in the ring. Henare's back up.
Chelem ducks under a Clothesline and catches himself on the ropes. Henare charges again, but Chelem pulls the ropes down, sending the big man tumbling to the base of the ramp.
A.B.: Jabber running the ropes... TOPE SUICIDA! Taking out Henare!
Dominga: Manu's up! Manu's on his feet right in front of us!
A.B.: Jabbar sees him. TOPE CON HILO! CHELEM JABBAR HAS TURNED THIS MATCH AROUND!!
Chelem slides into the ring and rips off his sleeveless JabbarTV brand shirt and beats his chest while wailing like Tarzan. A wail that is drowned out by the roar of the crowd.
Shamoon: Chelem Jabbar has taken out every. Single. Member of the Madness by himself!
Dominga: He hasn't won the match yet!
Elsa climbs onto the apron, clutching her shoulder. Chelem notices her, smirks and shrugs.
The Swede's expression is a mix of shock, frustration, disgust and pride all at once. All she can do is shake her head.
And then he does a backflip.
Dominga: Henare's back up!
Elsa: Chelem look out!
Chelem spins around and-
A.B.: HUNAPO HENARE WITH A CHIN-RATTLING EUROPEAN UPPERCUT!
Dominga: Snap back to reality!
Shamoon: Ope, there goes gravity.
Dominga: Shut up, Shamoon- NOOOOO! NONONONO!
Shamoon: Yes, I win.
A.B.: Again with this stupid bet! What was so important?
Shamoon: Tell you later.
Dominga (crying): No.
Henare (grabs Chelem by the throat and picks him up): YOU'RE DEAD!!!
He then sticks Chelem's head between his legs and picks him up for Gotch-style Neutraliser which he hits perfectly.
A.B.: There's the cover- ELSA BREAKS IT UP WITH A 630 SENTON!
Shamoon: SPRINGBOARD-STYLE! DID YOU SEE THE ROTATION SHE GOT?!
A.B.: Asovale's in the ring! FLATTENS FILIPSSON WITH A RUNNING CROSSBODY! And now she's going to make her pay.
Asovale picks Elsa up, crosses her arms and pulls her into a Front Facelock.
A.B.: Straightjacket DDT!
Shamoon: Look at Eeva! Look at Eeva! On the top turnbuckle!
The Fiery Finn hits her signature Phoenix Splash on Asovale.
A.B.: CORKSCREW 720 BY EEVA MUSTONEN!
The impact causes Eeva to bounce off of Asovale and land on her back. The crowd is losing their minds.
A.B.: MANUSAULT! MANUSAULT! KAIVAO MANU JUST FLEW INTO FRAME AND HE FLATTENED THE FINN! THIS MATCH HAS COMPLETELY BROKEN DOWN!!!
Shamoon: Manu's not legal, right?!
A.B.: He is not and he knows this. Dragging Henare back to the corner and there's the tag! Now, he is and he's making b-line for Jabbar.
Manu steps over the pile of bodies to Chelem, still feeling discomfort in his crotch.
Manu (pointing down at Chelem): You made me look stupid! Nobody makes Manu look stupid! Manu Smash!
He drags the vlogger to the centre of the ring and turns him over on his stomach before stomping on his back and then sitting on it.
A.B.: Camel Clutch! Camel Clutch locked in!
Shamoon: Kaivao Clutch!
Dominga: Shut up, Shamoon.
Shamoon: You said it again.
Dominga: I've already lost and so have they- Wait, what the- What is HE doing here?!
The crowd loses it as Chakir half-sprints, half-limps down the ramp while clutching his back and climbs the apron.
A.B.: Chakir Jabbar! Chakir Jabbar running interference! Chelem is tapping out! Chelem is tapping out like a grown man, but the ref doesn't see it.
Dominga: Get him out of here!
Manu releases the hold and stands up then takes a couple of steps towards the referee.
A.B.: CHELEM WITH A LOW BLOW! A LOW BLOW TO MANU AND NOW A ROLL-UP!
Chakir gets off the apron and points. Aquarone turns around to see the pin and slides in to count.
Shamoon: They're gonna steal it!
A.B.: ASOVALE! ASOVALE JUST CLOCKED CHAKIR IN THE HEAD WITH THE CAMCORDER!
Dominga: CALLED IT!
Chelem sees this and gets up, releasing the pin before Aquarone can finish counting. He watches in horror as the Samoan Sicko performs a Uranage onto the apron.
A.B.: Chakir slammed back-first onto the steel!
Chakir falls to the floor, screaming and writhing in immense pain.
Dominga: Shouldn't have come out here. ¡El tonto se lo buscó!
Chelem (angrily approaches the ropes, peeking his head and hands through to grab Asovale): You BITCH! I'm going to kill-
A.B.: Samoan Spike by Asovale!
Shamoon: He's the only one who hasn't felt one of those!
Chelem is sent stumbling back into the ring, clutching his throat. The Maori Menace is there to greet.
A.B.: A second Samoan Spike, delivered by Henare!
Chelem coughs and wheezes on the mat as Manu slowly rises from it.
The Tongan Terror grabs the smaller man's head and forces him to stand. Chelem tries desperately to choke out some kind of plea. Manu hears and responds with a primal scream and-
A.B.: A THIRD Samoan Spike from Kaivao Manu.
Asovale (back in her corner, reaching for the tag): MANUUUUUU!!!!
A.B.: And there's the tag. Lulu is legal. Chelem is surrounded.
Asovale: Pick him up! PICK HIM UUUUUUUP!!!!!
The two large man force Chelem to his feet and drape his arms over their shoulders. They then lift him with a belly-to-back hold and place his legs on Asovale's shoulders.
A.B.: Here's something he has felt before, THE TRIPLE POWERBOMB!!! Asovale has the cover.
Aquarone: 1! 2! 3! Ring the bell.
The deep bass guitar and tribal drums return.
Briar Lane: Here are your winners, THEEEE MAAAADNEEEESSSSS!!!!
Asovale gets up, staring into the camera. Henare howls once more. Manu rubs his crotch and kicks Chelem for good measure.
A.B.: Complete and utter dominace by the Madness. They are the premier force on Monday nights. Now, will somebody please tell me what this ridiculous bet is about? What exactly was on the line?
Shamoon (chuckles): Dominga has to go out with me.
A.B.: What?
Shamoon: Not necessarily in the romantic way, but she does have to spend a whole day doing something I enjoy with me.
A.B.: And you couldn't just ask her.
Shamoon: She wouldn't say yes otherwise.
A.B. (looks at Dominga): And what exactly would you have won?
Dominga: He would have quit. I was so close.
A.B.: But why would you- You know what? I don't care. You kids have fun. Asovale has something she wants to say.
Indeed, Asovale stands in the ring with a microphone. All around the ring there are bodies. Chakir's at the base of the ramp, still writhing. Both Track Queens at ringside, Elsa dazed and Eeva out cold, and Chelem on the other side, have a coughing fit.
Asovale (sucks in air): HIIIIIIIMBEEEEEEEEEERGEEEIIIIST!!!
As has become standard practice, the crowd screams back. A mix of terror, the name drop pop and awe.
Asovale: WELCOME TO THE MAAADHOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSEEE!!!!
Manu blinks a few times and taps his "sister" on the shoulder. She looks at him and holds up the mic to his face.
Manu: Uh... Lulu? The show's over.
Henare nods.
Asovale looks into the hard cam and blushes. The crowd laughs, hesitantly.
Asovale: Right... (sucks in air again) NEVAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND!
She takes some more breaths and starts pacing: Righto, since we're yakkin' 'bout it, what'd ya blokes reckon? Hell of a night, right?
Now it's Henare's turn. He beckons for her to bring the mic over.
Henare: I LOVE IT! T'E CARNAGE! T'E CHAOS!
Manu: YEAH!!!
Asovale: Yeah, the bloody mayhem, right? (turns and walks away) But ya know what's even BETTER than a bit o' chaos? (turns back around with a grin).
They both stare her, expectantly. She stares back, expecting them to already have the answer. They do not.
She drops her arms and frowns with disappointment, before finally spelling it our for them.
Asovale: PAN-DE-MO-NI-UM!
Manu and Henare both look at her and each other with wide eyes and then they start laughing, and then she starts laughing. They keep laughing, letting the mic drop as the music comes back on.
Shamoon: Did they just do, what I think they did?
A.B.: Yes, they did. The Madness calling their shot for the PSW Tag Team Championships!
Dominga: Yeah, and it makes sense. The Fight Pit sent their guy over for Thunder. We can send our people over for the Tag Team Supreme! Let's go!
Shamoon: Okay, the Madness are terrifying, but they’re human! Pandemonium? Mộng Dữ and Hổn Loạn? Those guys aren’t. I don’t know if this is a good idea.
A.B.: I’ve said it before, if there’s anyone who can match up against Tình Nhân’s monstrous sons, it’s these three animals. It is going to be a hell of a collision if it happens. Thank you all for tuning in. We will see you next week in the Monday Night Madhouse!
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