PSW Madhouse Episode 5 - JabbarTV vs Track Queens

Briar Lane: The following is a tag team match scheduled for ONE FALL!

The crowd pops as a bopping beat is heard. Two tiger outlines, one orange and one green, slide onto the big screen from either side and overlap each other. The JabbarTV logo appears on screen over a series of video clips showing the Jabbar twins performing crazy wrestling moves on each other in all manner of locations.

The brothers walk out with a phone and a camera each, recording the crowd and recording themselves recording the crowd. Chakir, in a red shirt and blue shorts, gloves and boots with a fringe undercut, holds the phone, talking to their subscribers. Chelem, in a blue shirt and red shorts, gloves and boots with his hair slicked back, holds the camera, taking in the Melanesian crowd.

Briar Lane: Introducing first! From Karachi, Sindh, Pakistan, at a combined weight of 381 pounds, Chakir and Chelem, JABBAAAAR TTTVVVVVVV!

A.B.: The brothers Jabbar, who have had a tumultuous time in the Madhouse.

Dominga: Tumultuous is putting it lightly, Alf. Since day one, all these two tontos have been doing is getting DESTROYED! Mostly physically, sometimes verbally, sometimes multiple times in one night! I love it, but you know what I would love even more? GETTING THESE STUPID INFLUENCERS OUT OF MY BEAUTIFUL PRO WRESTLING!

Shamoon: Come on, they've proven they can go when they get serious.

A.B.: That's the problem, Aazif. They haven't been serious. At least not until that segment in Samoa. But I think we need to go a bit further back. 

A montage video appears on the big screen as Alf speaks. It shows Chakir and Elsa lying beaten on tables in Dr Sharma's office. The Jabbar twins stop and look up at it.

A.B.: After a crushing defeat to the Madness in Episode 2, Elsa Filipsson proposed an alliance between the Queens and the Jabbars to take on the Madness and a partner of their choosing in an 8-person tag. This was meant to be a way for both teams to gain some ground in the Tag division while taking down a common enemy. However, the following week, Chakir Jabbar jumped at the chance to challenge the reigning Bloodbath Champion, Roger Evans, to a Ladder Match for is belt, believing he could beat the rookie champion and walk into the 8-Man Tag-

Dominga: Which was the MAIN EVENT of Episode 3 btw.

A.B.: -with a championship.

The big screen shows a still of Roger Evans powerbombing Chakir onto a fallen ladder. The crowd cringes, some laugh, Chakir purses his lips.

A.B.: Chakir would suffer a severe back injury in this match and was subsequently removed from the 8-Man Tag, which became a 6-Man as the Madness had refused to find a partner anyway.

A series of stills showing Eeva getting thrown around and slammed and stomped by Lulu Asovale, Kaivao Manu and Hunapo Henare, Elsa trying and failing to intervene, and Chelem watching with a camera recording from the apron.

A.B.: During the match, the Track Queens fought for their lives, with Chelem Jabbar offering no aid until eventually thwarting Manu as he was preparing for his signature Moonsault.

Shamoon: Yeah, and he cleaned house.

The big screen shows stills of Chelem hitting a Suicide Dive on Asovale, a Tope Suicida on Henare and a Tope Con Hillo on Manu. It shows him ripping his shirt off and beating his chest. It shows him hitting a back flip. Then it shows him nearly getting his head ripped off by a running uppercut from Henare.

Dominga: And then his 15 seconds of fame were up.

A.B.: The match devolved into chaos, everyone hitting their signature moves and then Chakir, in defiance of Dr Sharma, hobbled down to the ring to create a distraction that almost worked. That is before Lulu Asovale smashed his own camera onto his head and then slammed him backfirst onto the apron with a Uranage.

The big screen shows stills of Chakir screaming in agony, of Chelem sticking his head out of the ring in concern and anger, only to get a Samoan Spike from Asovale, another one from Henare and a third from Manu, before being put away and pinned with the Triple Powerbomb.

The crowd is cheering this. Chelem glares.

A.B.: Which now leads us to last week, and I think we'll just let it play.

The cut-up clips that play are of the Jabbars and the Queens standing with Chloe Davis. Chelem is holding his throat.

Chakir does most of the talking, wanting to apologise and rationalise the events of the previous week. He then proposes that once his back is healed. 

Eeva: EI HELVETTI!!!

cut to

Elsa: Aligning with you two was the single dumbest idea I have ever had in my life. Never again.

Eeva: Ihon jätettä! (points at the Jabbars) You are a liability.

Chelem (croaks): A LIABILITY?! (lunges only to be stopped by Chakir)

cut to

Chakir: We are the best damn tag team-no, the best damn WRESTLERS in this whole company.

Elsa: Except you're not even wrestlers. You're influencers larping as athletes!

cut to

Chakir (backs with mouth agape, and then slowly, angrily steps forward): ... Listen, you stupid, ungrateful little b****! I'm trying to do you a favour here.

cut to

Elsa: How exactly are you the best when a) you haven't won a single match in this company and b) WE beat you?

Chakir: YOU ONLY BEAT US BECAUSE WE WERE TAKING IT EASY!

A.B.: And after an utterly unhinged rant about how the Jabbars "made" the Queens, Chakir would forgo another match with the Madness and issue a challenge for a rematch tonight, but it would be Chelem who got the last word.

cut to

Chelem (croaks): You know? After you... "beat us", we were man enough to shake your hands after. I just hope you're ready to do the same for us.

The clips end.

The brothers set down their camera and phone and take off their shirts.

A fast-paced, energetic rock tune plays to the delight of the crowd. 

Shamoon: Here we go!

Elsa and Eeva, in red and brown tops, with twin ponytails and twin high buns, respectively, enter the field with their helmets, blue and purple plaid skirts and roller skates. Although instead of skating, they sprint effortlessly onto the grass, their wheels neither snagging nor stopping them.

Briar Lane: And their opponents! At a combined weight of 264 pounds, Elsa Filipsson and Eeva Mustonen, the TRACK QUEENS!

Dominga: How are they doing that?

A.B.: That's what a lifetime of speed skating gets you.

Shamoon: Also, their skates are modified.

They slide into the ring together and climb the turnbuckles, throwing up the sign of the horns at the crowd.

Dominga: You know what? I'll give credit where credit is due. When I first saw these two, way back in Episode 1, I thought they'd be a joke, but I actually like watching them go to work. Not saying they'll ever be the Tag Champions, but they're entertaining enough.

A.B.: Former Speed Skating Champions all across Europe, who made the transition to wrestling under the tutelage of the legendary "Mother Hen of Holds", Kalavina Leota.

Dominga: I mean, no shade to Leota, but was she really a "legend"? That distinction comes with more than a few titles, you know?

Shamoon: You know she can hear you, right?

Dominga: So what? I didn't say anything untrue. Besides, she's still in a neck brace.

A.B.: No, she's not. 

Dominga: Eep.

Elsa and Eeva then hop down, discarding their helmets and skirts while staring daggers at the Jabbar twins, who throw their own daggers back.

A.B.: Two rival teams turned one-time allies back to rivals. The last time they faced, the Track Queens won quite easily.

Shamoon: Yeah, but last time, the Jabbars were fooling around. 

Dominga: How many times are we going to wheel out - (points at before he can call out the pun) DON'T- that weak-ass excuse? They suck. Plain and simple.

Eeva exits the ring, as does Chelem. Referee Fabiola Acquarone calls for the bell.

A.B.: It'll be Elsa and Chakir starting this one.

Shamoon: I was expecting Eeva and Chelem to start. They had beef almost from the start. These two? People were shipping them.

A.B.: Shipping?

Shamoon: You know when you take two people and imagine them as a-

A.B.: I know what it means. I'm asking why.

Shamoon: I guess their convo in Dr Sharma's office left a mark. BonBon23 even wrote a short story about them.

Dominga: She... WHAT?!

Shamoon: Relax, it was SFW.

Dominga: That doesn't make it better!

A.B.: Elsa with an Arm Drag to Chakir!. Who is BonBon23? 

Dominga: You don't... know?

Shamoon: She's a popular fanfic author in the IWC, that's Internet Wrestlin-

A.B.: I know what IWC means.

Shamoon: Yeah, so, she's mostly known for Zázrak stuff-

Dominga: Wait, Aaz, you don't know either?

Shamoon: Know what?

Dominga: ... Never mind.

A.B.: But-

Dominga: Elsa with a Drop Toe Hold! Ongoing match, boys!

With Chakir facedown, Elsa tries to use the ropes for momentum, but Chelem grabs her ponytails from the outside, causing her to fall backwards. This earns him boos from the crowd and a lecture from Acquarone.

A.B.: Great move by Chelem, but not a very popular one.

Chakir stands up and tries to grab Elsa on the ground, but she kicks him in the knee, her wheels doing extra damage. Chakir yelps and grabs it, hopping around on one foot.

Dominga: Can't do a single thing right.

Elsa gets up and performs a football-style slide tackle from behind. She then grabs both his ankles, holding his legs open before performing a Double Leg Drop, bringing her ankles and rear wheels down on his midsection. 

Chelem groans and rolls on his side. 

A.B.: Tag to Eeva!

Elsa sprints to the other side of the ring, attempting to dropkick his knees. Chelem jumps up, causing her to fly between the middle and bottom ropes and land awkwardly on the grass. 

A.B.: Overcommitment by Elsa. Chelem with an Asai Moonsault! Look at the elevation!

Shamoon: Elsa had it scouted!

Chelem lands on his feet, stumbles back slightly, then charges into a Savate Kick from Elsa, who runs back to her corner.

A.B.: Elsa taking out Chelem on the outside. Now, look at Eeva, sizing up Chakir from behind. Running Neck Snap!

Shamoon: How's that for a "Throwback"?

A.B.: And now a Basement Dropkick! There's the cover; Chakir kicks out!

Dominga: How?

Eeva tags Elsa back in, and the two of them proceed to circle Chakir, as he slowly, dazily rises to his feet.

A.B.: What do they have set up here? Leg Sweep by Elsa- Spinning Heel Kick by Eeva! Great move. Elsa with a cover.

Acquarone orders Eeva to get out of the ring, and only starts the count when she does. 

A.B.: Chakir kicks out again. 

Dominga: Eeva should've gotten out sooner. This farce would be over.

Elsa quickly tags Eeva back in, and the two of them drag him back to their corner and set him up in a seated position. Elsa then goes out onto the apron and holds him in place as Eeva runs to the opposing corner.

A.B.: Chakir's in trouble-

Shamoon: Chelem's back up! He's got Eeva by the ankle!

The red-clad Jabbar twin trips the Fin and pulls her out of the ring for a Wheelbarrow Facebuster on the grass. Elsa re-enters the ring and blitzes from corner to corner to get at him with another feet-first dive through the ropes.

A.B.: Elsa with a Diving Hurricanra- No, Chelem blocked! Chelem blocked! POWERBOMB! Chelem with a Powerbomb! Dropping Elsa onto Eeva's back! The Jabbar's finally have an opening. 

Dominga: No, dammit!

Chelem climbs the apron and yells at Chakir to tag him. Chakir regains himself and quickly crawls, then stumbles to his corner.

A.B.: And there's the tag. Chelem is now the legal man. 

Chelem: Which one was legal, again?

Chakir (shaking head and blinking while pointing at Eeva): Th-That one. Her. The one who's always screaming.

Chelem picks Eeva up and throws her back in the ring. He then slides in and hooks the leg.

Acquarone: One. Two-

A.B.: Kickout by Eeva. 

Chelem looks over at Chakir, who nods. He then picks Eeva up and bodyslams her before running to the side of the ring where Chakir is standing. 

A.B.: Tag from Chakir.

Chelem bounces off the ropes and runs to the other side. Chakir grips the top ropes, jumps up and spins to land on it backwards.

Dominga: What's this now? What are they setting u- DIOS MIO!

A.B.: The Jabbars with a Running Knee Drop-Springboard Moonsault combination!

The crowd explodes. 

Shamoon: I told you! I told you not to sleep on these guys!

A.B.: Chakir with a cover. Hooks the leg. This has gotta be- EEVA KICKS OUT!!!

The crowd gasps.

Dominga: HOW?!

A.B.: Eeva kicked out, and the Jabbars can't believe it!

Shamoon: WHAT IS SHE MADE OF?!

Chakir (on his knees looking at Eeva and then the ref): No... No, that was 3.

Acquarone: It was 2.

Chelem (from his corner): IT WAS THREE!

Acquarone (holding up two fingers): TWO!

Chakir (getting in her face): It was 3! It was 3, and you know it! You were counting too slow! Count faster, dammit!

Acquerone (pointing at him with raised brows): Watch it!

Chakir: You watch it!

Acquerone: Get back in the match!

Chakir clicks his tongue and turns away, dragging Eeva back to his corner and standing her up against it.

Chakir (to Chelem): Can you believe that lady?

Chelem (tags in): It's bull****. Let's end this for real.

The two brothers, each weighing around 190 pounds, hit Eeva, who herself is only 130, with a series of gut punches, knocking the wind out of her to loud boos.

Acquerone: Hey, enough of that. Get her out of that corner. (to Chakir) You, out! 1! 2! 3! 4!

Chakir: I'M GOING!

He climbs out onto the apron and backs up until he's at the adjacent post. Chelem backs away too as Eeva hangs off the corner by her arms.

A.B.: Another double-team on the way.

Shamoon: I know what this is! They call it the Overload!

Dominga: I'm afraid to ask why?

Chelem runs to the corner for a Knee Strike. Chakir runs along the apron for an Enziguri. They meet in the middle, sandwiching Eeva's head. 

A.B.: OOH!

Dominga: Okay, that is nasty! ... I kinda like it.

Shamoon: They're not done.

Chelem completes the move with a Northern Lights Suplex Bridging Pin.

Dominga: That was... flawless!

Acquarone: One! Two! Thre-

A.B.: ELSA BREAKS UP THE PIN! ELSA FILIPSSON WITH A LAST MICRO-SECOND SAVE!

Chakir: NO! (hitting the turnbuckle) NOOOOOOOO!!!!

Dominga: Where the hell'd she even come from?! She just flew into frame!

Shamoon: Talk. About. Clutch!

A.B.: This crowd are on their feet. What a match! 

Chakir stops assaulting the turnbuckle and rushes the ring. Elsa catches him with a Drop Toe Hold that leaves him draped over the middle rope. Chelem tries to attack her and suffers the same fate. With the twins in a compromised position, the Swede skates to the other side of the ring, using the ropes for momentum and coming back to hit both brothers with a Tiger Feint Kick where the toes of her wheeled shoes strike Chelem in the face, and her padded knees strike Chakir.

A.B.: DOUBLE... SWEDE19! 

Dominga: I hate that name so much!

A.B.: Elsa now with a Springboard... 630 Senton! Onto Chelem!

Shamoon: But she's not legal!

A.B.: Elsa dragging Eeva on top of Chelem!

Chakir tries to get up and intervene, but Elsa kicks him in the face, her wheels knocking out a tooth and knocking him back down and then rolling him out as the ref counts the 1, 2, 3 and calls for the bell to a loud pop from the crowd. 

Briar Lane: Here are your winners... the TRACK QUEENS!!!

The crowd cheers as the Queens' energetic rock tune plays once again.

A.B.: An almost breathless contest! Both teams moved with urgency, hunger and aggression!

Dominga: Some great offence all around. I can't believe it, but the Jabbars actually did some nice stuff in there. 

Shamoon: I told you. When these guys get serious, they can go.

Dominga: Yeah... but they lost again. If this keeps up, we might have to start calling them the JOB-bars. 

Elsa comes back in the ring to help up Eeva, who is blinking and darting her eyes about. The Swede holds up a thumb to the Fin's face to reassure her, and the latter nods. Acquarone stands between both women and raises their hands. 

Chakir is on the outside, slamming his fists on the apron. Chelem rolls onto his side on the mat and then his stomach, all the while holding his face in pain and frustration.

A.B.: The Track Queens were just too much tonight. The tandem offence. The quickness. The resilience of Eeva Mustonen. The timing of that save by Elsa Filipsson-

Dominga: Yeah, we have to talk to Elsa. She practically won that match-

A.B.: No, don't you dare.

Dominga: What? I was just-

A.B.: Trying to stir the pot. This is what tag team wrestling is all about. Having each other's back. Coming to each other's aid in dire moments.

Chelem rolls onto his back and sits up, still holding his face. Chakir re-enters, his shoulders slumped and his face sour.

Chelem (lowers hands, almost in tears): What the hell, man?

Chakir: We lost again!

Chelem: We? I'm the one who got pinned again!

Chakir (drops to a knee): I'm sorry, bro. I couldn't get to you. 

Chelem just shakes and drops his head. Chakir does the same. Elsa watches them for a moment and then skates over to them. Eeva frowns in confusion.

Chakir looks up at her with a glare: What do you want?

Elsa, with her hands on her hips, closes her eyes and sighs before extending a hand. Chakir's brows raise, and he slowly stands.

Eeva (comes up next to her and slaps her shoulder): Mitä sinä teet?

Chelem looks up, drawn to the confusion. Elsa ignores her partner's protests and keeps her hand held out. 

A.B.: Elsa showing some great sportsmanship here.

Dominga: Didn't we just see this with Chen and Volkov? Why do people keep trying to shake hands in this company? It never works!

Shamoon: The world doesn't get better unless we make it better.

A.B.: Well said, Aaz.

Dominga: BARF!

Chakir, after a moment of contemplation, accepts the handshake. 

A.B.: That's what it's all about. 

Eeva shakes her head. Chelem immediately bolts to his feet and shoves his brother.

Chelem: WHAT THE **** ARE YOU DOING?! What are you shaking her hand for?

Chakir: They beat us, Chel!

Chelem grits his teeth and clenches his teeth.

Chakir (taps him on the arm): Come on, dude. It's time. 

Chelem's gritting teeth become quivering lips.

Chakir: Chel, you have to do it. Come on.

Chelem scrunches up his nose and turns to face the Queens. He then, with great difficulty, extends a hand to Eeva. She tries to snub him and turn away, but Elsa grabs her arm and tilts her head in Chelem's direction.

Eeva pulls her arms away and punches Elsa in hers. The latter, while rubbing the sore spot, tilts her head again, insisting. 

Eeva glares at her, then at Chelem, who glares back. After a long staredown, the Fin finally reciprocates. The crowd cheers.

A.B.: Wonderful. These two teams have finally earned each other's respect. 

Dominga: BARF X 2

The handshake ends. Chakir brings his hands together and bows slightly before the two brothers turn away to leave. 

Elsa (to Eeva): See? Was that so bad?

Eeva just shakes her head and rolls her eyes. The Queens turn to the cheering crowd and hold up the sign of the horns. The crowd starts to scream a different sound.

Shamoon: What the- NO! 

A.B.: CHAKIR JUST JUMPED ELSA FROM BEHIND! And now Chelem on Eeva! 

Shamoon: No! NO! Guys, stop! You're better than this! 

Dominga: "Better than this?" THIS is what they've been missing! Finally!

Chakir unleashes a flurry of grounded punches on Elsa, almost flailing his arms as he does it, but doing damage. Chelem, for his part, stomps away at Eeva in the corner. Acquarone tries and fails to get them off. The bell starts ringing again and again, but they won't stop. 

A.B.: What kind of human beings are these? What kind of MEN are these Jabbars? After everything, Elsa Filipsson was willing to extend the olive branch once more, to let bygones be bygones, to acknowledge them as fellow athletes, fellow competitors, fellow wrestlers, and this is what they do?

Dominga: Now, she'll know to NEVER do that again. 

Chakir forces Elsa up and calls Chelem over. Both brothers grab hold of her by the hair and the shorts and send her shoulder-first into the ringpost of an adjacent corner. Elsa slides off the ring fully, as the twins turn their attention to Eeva, who charges out at them only to be caught by Chelem in a Fireman's Carry, which becomes a Flapjack into a Stunner by Chakir.

Dominga: What move is that?!

Shamoon: I-I don't know. I haven't seen it before!

The crowd hurls all kinds of boos and expletives. 

Chakir (grabbing her hair): How's that feel, huh?!

Chelem (standing over her): Who's a liability now, huh? Who's a li- 

He grabs her by the right leg and starts dragging her to a corner. Chakir goes to collect their camera. He turns it on and sets it down in front of Eeva as Chelem drops and slides out of the ring, never letting go of Eeva's leg before wrapping it around the ringpost and pulling down her knee pad. Chakir then exits the ring as a wall. 

A.B.: No, now what have they got planned?

Shamoon: Ch-Chakir's looking under the ring! HE'S GOT A CHAIR! 

A.B.: Fabiola Acquerone, trying to de-escalate the situation- Chakir just kicked her in the gut! He just kicked the referee in the gut!

Shamoon: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Chakir then raises the chair, preparing to swing it into Eeva's knee, but Chelem stops him. 

Chelem: Bro, wait! We can't do this. YOU can't do this.

Shamoon: Oh, thank goodness. He's come to his senses.

Chelem: I want to do it!

A.B.: Oh God, no!

Chakir (smiles and hands him the chair): All yours, Chel.

They swap places, Chakir holding Eeva's leg in place and Chelem rearing the chair and then... *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK*

A.B.: PER L'AMOR DI DIO! CHELEM JABBAR WITH THE CHAIR TO MUSTONEN'S KNEE! HE'S SWINGING LIKE A WILD ANIMAL!

Shamoon: STOP! STOP! SOMEBODY STOP THIS!

Eeva lets out bloodcurdling screams that silence the crowd. She desperately tries to crawl away, but Chakir keeps hold of her, grinning with sadistic glee, until Chelem gets tired and drops the chair. 

Chakir then lets her go and slides back into the ring to grab his camera and record her agony. Chelem join him.

Chakir: How's that feel, Eeva, huh? HOW'S THAT FEEL?! Come on, tell us! Finnish or English, let's get a word.

Chelem (looming over her, hands on knees): WHO'S A LIABILITY NOW, HOW?! WHO'S A LIABILITY NOW?!

Eeva can only scream and sob, unable to move her leg or even get off the mat.

Dominga: ...

Shamoon: I just... Wh-What-- Heh- WHY?! Why would they do this?! Millions of people watch these guys. So many people LOOK UP to these guys! So many people became wrestling fans BECAUSE of these guys and their videos. So many people wanted to BECOME wrestlers because of these guys! AND THEY JUST THREW IT ALL AWAY?!

Dominga: ... And now they're all learning. Everybody's learning! This game... isn't one.

A.B.: Elsa's back up! She's got a chair of her own! The Jabbars are scattering!

Dominga: Too little, too late! Where was one of the clutch saves, huh?

The twins back away from the ring toward the entranceway. Chakir laughs while recording. Chelem seethes while screaming "WHO'S A LIABILITY NOW?!" over and over with a crazed look in his eye.

Elsa falls to her knees, hands on her head in horror at her partner's pain. Acquarone gets back in the ring.

Acquarone: Eeva? Eeva, can you move? Tell me!

Eeva can only shake her head and cry while pointing at her knee.

Elsa (to Acquarone): JUST CALL A MEDIC, DAMMIT! SKYNDA SIG!

Acquarone holds up the X symbol. Dr Anya Sharma's team of medics immediately rush out past the Jabbar brothers. 

Chakir (still recording): Yeah, that's what happens!

Chelem: WHO'S A LIABILITY NOW?!

Chakir: That's what happens when you disrespect us! When you try to punk us out!

Chelem: WHO'S A LIABILITY NOW?!

Chakir: THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU F*** WITH THE JABBARS!

Chelem: WHO'S A LIABILITY NOW?! WHOOOO'S A LIIIIAAABILITYYY NOOOOOWW?!