Monday, August 17, 2026

PSW Madhouse Episode 5 - Twice the Pain

In the wake of the Track Queens' decimation, two tag team matches take place. Less dramatic and openly sadistic, per Nalah Shabani's edict, but no less physical from bell to bell.

The Aqua-Rinas vs The Paidens

Maris Herrera, the 5' 7", 140-pound former Panamanian swimmer, and Leilani Aina, the 5'8", 144-pound former Hawaiian ballerina, return to action from their destruction at the hands of the Drako Triad in Episode 3. Fellow students of Kalavina Leota, they hope to follow the Track Queens' example and secure a big win. Their first.

Unfortunately, their nimble feet run them into a wall. Two, in fact. Kendra Valkyrie, 5' 10", 202 lbs, Icelandic-American and Helga Bjornsson, 5' 11", 210 lbs, Norwegian-... Norwegian. Each woman ripped, scarred, tatted.

A.B.: I remind everyone, Bjornsson was the 35th overall pick at the draft in December, now making her debut following the signing of her long-time partner.

Shamoon: They're called the Paidens. Which is short for Pain Maidens, a cool pun and loose nod to Shield Maidens in Viking culture. It also sounds a little like Pagan, which is interesting since-

Dominga: Please, stop!

The Aqua-Rinas put up a fight, but they are outmatched, not just physically but in terms of experience. Herrera gets taken out, and Aina gets taken up... to the top turnbuckle for a Superplex by Valkyrie. Bjornsson adds force to this move by powerbombing her own partner, who holds on to Aina, bringing them both down. 

A.B.: Tower of Doom! 

Dominga: As a finisher?!

Result: The Paidens win via pinfall

The Northerners both stand on Herrara's chest, daring Aina to do something about it. She doesn't take the bait, but she isn't happy about it either.

Shamoon: Hey! What happened to no unsanctioned aggression?!

Dominga: They're literally just standing.

A.B.: Come on.

The Viking sisters wipe their respective boots and leave, allowing Aina to check on her partner.

The Drako Triad vs The Jungle Cats

Speak of the dragons, and they will appear. Drako Vi and Drako Nyx, 5' 8"-145, and 5' 11"-190, respectively, take the ring next, breathing literal fire to the delight and terror of the Honiara crowd. 

The two high-flying, hard-hitting hoydens from Hunt's Cross in Liverpool are once again flanked by their heavy, Drako Kael, who stands at 6' 8" and 300 pounds. "Stands" being the operative word, as he remains on the outside with his huge arms folded.

Their opponents are the ailuranthropic duo of Kenzo Hayashida, Ōsaka no Taigāman, and "La Jaguara" Nayeli Tecuatl, the Jungle Cats. Hayashida stands at 5 feet 10 inches, weighing 217 pounds, while his black-faced mate stands at 5 feet 8 inches and weighs 147 pounds. They stalk to the ring, claws out and fur shining. 

Shamoon: Freaky...

A.B.: Absolutely. 

Dominga: Weren't these two drafted 29th? Where the hell have they been?

A.B.: Finishing prior commitments, but now they're here, and they are hungry.

The match kicks off with Vi and Hayashida.

Shamoon: You know, in Japanese folklore, the Tiger and the Dragon are mortal enemies.

Hayashida dominates in the beginning.

Dominga: Notice how there aren't a lot of dragons around. I think it's fair to say who won.

Vi counters.

A.B.: Tigers are an endangered species.

Dominga: Yeah, because of us. Not the dragons.

Hayashida regains, and Tecuatl attacks Nyx on the other side, pulling her off the apron and slamming her face on the steel steps. This earns the ire of the Honiarans. Kael, however, does nothing. His presence does serve to give la Jaguara pause, but she returns to her corner.

Dominga: What's even the point of him being here?

A.B.: After everything we've seen tonight, you're asking that?

Dominga: But he's not doing anything!

The felines continue isolating Vi. Nyx rises and growls, a low clicking noise that seems to awaken the smaller dragon, who then gives her attackers the slip and makes the tag. Nyx is a house on fire, flying into the ring with a Springboard Knee to Hayashida, landing with a roll and flying into a Spinning European Uppercut to Tecautl. 

This flurry lasts for a short burst and ends with a crash when the Jungle Cats regain control and put her down with their finishing sequence, Good Hunting, which sees Hayashida execute a Backbreaker and hold Nyx in place for Tecautl to hit an Elbow Drop. Tecautl then pins Nyx. The match should be over, but there's a problem.

Shamoon: Nyx isn't legal! The tag never actually happened!

Dominga: How the hell is that possible?

Hayashida gets pulled off the apron while Tecautl argues with the ref. She then climbs the top turnbuckle and performs a Diving Spinning Heel Kick at the exact moment La Jaguara turns around.

A.B.: Sword of the God Slayer!

Shamoon: THAT IS AN AWESOME FINISHER NAME!

Dominga: No, it's not!

Result: The Drako Triad win via pinfall

After the match, Hayashida re-enters the ring, seething with rage. He is blocked by Kael, who does little more than emanate smoke through his flaring nostrils. The Tigerman picks up his mate and leaves in defeat.

The Dragonman picks up both of his as they let out breaths of fire in celebration of their second victory.

Dominga: Seriously, though. How do they do that? What organs in your body would let you breathe fire?

A.B.: This tag division is forming nicely.

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