Monday, August 17, 2026

PSW Madhouse Episode 5 - The Main Event Moron

A.B.: Guys, it has been a topsy-turvy night here in Honiara.

Shamoon: Yep, and it's about to get even better!

Dominga: Why?

Pop/Rap fusion song plays. The crowd reaction is mixed, but mostly positive.

A.B.: Oh no...

Dominga: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING!

Shamoon (bopping to the beat): That's right! We're gonna close out the show with the Crimson Ki- OH MY GOODNESS!

Roger Evans limps out with the Bloodbath Champions. His open Hawaiian shirt exposes the bandages on his ribs. His brown fedora and glasses blend and act as the endpoints for the spectrum of colour that the plaster over his nose sits on.

A.B. (sighs): Roger Evans, the inaugural Bloodbath Champion, still sporting injuries from last week's brutal Hardcore Match with Luisa Festa, which saw the young champion hit a 450 Splash onto Festa.

Dominga: - and a chair!

A.B.: And a chair, through our announce table to retain his title. Just- Just look at him. 20 years old, this kid, and he can barely walk. Keep in mind, he's only been wrestling for 5 weeks. He had a year of training and 5 weeks of genuine, active competition, and this is the state of him. 

Dominga: He's an idiot. He's tough, and he's...

Shamoon: Say it.

Dominga: He's talented, okay! I'll give him that, but he's an idiot, and he needs to get humbled badly for his own sake.

The Californian slides the title into the ring and then crawls under the bottom rope, slowly getting to his feet. He picks up his belt and rests it on his left shoulder before asking to be tossed a microphone, which he catches almost effortlessly in his taped-up right hand.

Dominga: Do we really have to hear from him? Can't whoever it is just come out and kick his ass already?

Evans: Dudes... Check it out! Roger Evans is in the main event!

The crowd lets out a loud mix of cheers and boos. Again, mostly the former.

Shamoon: Hey, he's right! We're in the last block of the show!

Dominga: I was hoping no one would notice. How the hell did that happen?

A.B.: His performance left a strong impression, for better or worse.

Evans: Can you believe it? Like, seriously, I grew up watching guys spend YEARS to get to a spot like this, to win a championship, like this (gestures at Crimson). Well, I won the belt in my first night and get to close the show at the end of my first month!

Another loud mixed reaction.

Dominga: The height of injustice is what that is.

A.B.: Every generation experiences this.

Shamoon: Exactly!

Dominga: Why did it have to be him?

Evans (looks down, pacing): And look, real talk, I know I didn't get here on my own, so, like, I want to give a shoutout to the guy who taught me everything I know, and got me the PSW contract, (looks into the camera) the REAL greatest luchador of all time, Tonye Carrera!

The crowd pops.

Dominga: Carrera is NOT the greatest luchador of all time! He's a legend, but let's be serious!

Shamoon: You're just mad he didn't say El Bombero Jr.

Dominga: El Bombero Tercero clears. Sorry, Dad.

Evans: And I also want to give a shoutout... to Luisa Festa!

The crowd pops.

Evans: She wasn't here tonight. Still recovering from, you know, me Superkicking a chair into her face and then putting her through that table over there (clutching ribs)-really, really bad idea btw

Dominga: Ya think?

Evans: But she gave me one hell of a fight! So, Festa, when you're up for it, (raises belt) -ouch- I'll be right here for the rematch!

A.B.: Still not lacking in confidence.

Evans (lowers belt): But until then, at the risk of like, gimmick infringement, I got one question. Who's next?

A heavy metal song is heard throughout the arena. The crowd comes unglued. Evans is stunned as the bearded, hairy-chested Scotsman in a black vest and trunks come out onto the field. 

Shamoon: What?

A.B.: It's Ethan Stewart! Ethan Stewart is back!

Dominga: Where the hell has he been? He could've ended this nightmare weeks ago.

Stewart stops and stands with his own taped-up hands in front of him, one of which holds a microphone. He studies the ring with narrowed eyes.

Evans: ... Stewart? Dude, how's it going? I haven't seen you since I damn-near kicked your head off a month ago. HAHA!

The crowd murmurs. 

Evans: But you know? I shoulda given you a shoutout too, my bad. 'Cause you, like, totally made my career.

Stewart raises an eyebrow.

Evans: It's true. You're the one I pinned to become Bloodbath Champion in the first place.

Crowd: OOOHH!!!

Evans: Sure, it could have been Asovale or Festa, but it ended up being you. And then the very next night, I pinned you again! 

A.B.: That was not a real title defence!

Evans: So, like, thanks, man. Couldn't have done it without you?

Stewart: Are ye done?

Evans:... 

Stewart: It's a bit o' a laugh how ye never said that ye got me in the stones. (holds up two fingers) Baith times.

Evans (shrugs with one shoulder): Guess it just... slipped my mind.

Stewart: Aye, bet that happens a lot.

Evans frowns.

Stewart: Ye know, I wis gaunnae wring yer wee neck fer that, but then I thocht, 'Let's see how this hale thing plays oot.' So I stayed awa an' watched, an' ye know whit, Laddie? (grins) ... Ye actually know whit yer daein' in atween those ropes.

Evans smiles. The crowd cheers and boos.

Stewart: There's nae denyin' it. Ye can gang. go.

Shamoon: Why... don't I like this compliment?

Stewart: An' mair than that, ye're pretty tough.

A.B.: I feel it too. This is not good.

Evans just nods while smirking.

Stewart: But I think it's time we found oot jist how tough ye really are. Tonight, it's gonna be me an' you in a Street Fight!

The crowd pops.

A.B.: A Street Fight?!

Shamoon: NOOOO!!!

Dominga: Oh... Oh, this is gonna be a Bloodbath! Pun intended!

Evans (nods with excitement): A Street Fight? You're on, man! Come on dow-

Stewart (shaking his head): Naw. Naw naw. Nahnahnahnahnahnah. Ye're nae listenin' tae me, kid. Ah dinnae want a 'Street Fight'; Ah want (points in the direction of the big screen) a STREET. FIGHT!

The screen shows a section of road, cars and orange cones encircle it, and block both ends. The crowd goes wild. Evans takes off his whiteout shades, his mouth hanging open.

Shamoon: What the hell?

A.B.: That's... That's King George. That's right outside the stadium. Ethan Stewart has challenged Roger Evans to a street fight out in the streets of Honiara!

Dominga: Oh, Evans is dead. HE IS DEAD!

Stewart: Ah'll be waitin', Champ. 

He drops his microphone and leaves the way he came. Evans watches him leave, then looks at the big screen once again. He frowns, puts his glasses back on, rolls his shoulders and drops his microphone before exiting the ring in pursuit.

A.B.: Evans has accepted! He's on his way to Stewart's world.

Shamoon: What? NO! Roger, no! Don't do it!

Dominga: He doesn't have a choice. Rules of the belt say "Challenger's Choice". If he backs out now, he's gotta hand that belt over, and he's too stupid to do that!

Shamoon: Somebody stop him! GM Shabani! Producer Miller! Dr Sharma! Chief Steele! Somebody get that belt off Evans, please!

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