SDS: We've seen them mix it up and trade pins in the last two weeks. In a singles match and a tag match. Now, the beef between two former Passion Project Wrestling stars gets settled tonight. It's the psychotic Honey Badger vs the cool chiller killer Kala Kahuna!
A graphic appears on the two big screens. Badger is baring his teeth and curling his fingers. Kahuna is holding up shakas.
DS: And that's gonna be a good one. Just hope Badger don't grab his balls again.
SDS: That was not a pleasant sight.
DS: No, it was not, but check this out. The Plan Himself, Mudir, is in the building!
SDS: That he is. Last week, Mudir had a successful debut against the high-flying Flyboy Figueroa! Tonight, he prepares for his second Fight Pit match against a currently unknown opponent of his choosing.
The graphic shows Mudir, his fingertips touching, and a silhouette with a question mark.
DS: Hey, I got a question. What's the biggest beef on this brand?
SDS: Grizzly-Montani.
DS: Besides that one.
SDS: Well, it would have to be the rivalry between the Moscow Machine, Kruscher and one of the hottest young stars on this brand, Johnny Cyclone! The rubber match is tonight!
Another graphic appears, Kruscher staring a hole through the camera, every muscle in his face and body taut, Cyclone standing straight with his hands on his hips.
DS: Sim! Sim! Kruscher's finally gonna put that punk in his place.
SDS: We'll see, but we have to talk about the single most important match of the night. We are finally going to find out who the number 1 contenders are for the Tag Team Championships!
DS: Oh...
SDS: It'll be Major Mallory and El Soldado, the Battalion Bros vs the former champions, Axel and Oscar, Team Wallace, in what is no-doubt going to be a barn-burner.
Another graphic. Mallory with his arms folded and Soldado saluting. Axel holding up his taped fists and Oscar crouching slightly while glaring.
DS: Burns? How about inferno, companheiro? The winners of this match will challenge the Tag Team Supreme, Tình Nhân's demons, Hổn Loạn and Mộng Dữ, Pandemonium NEXT WEEK! That's not a prize. That's an execution.
SDS: What it is, Diogo, is an opportunity. One that both of these teams have been chomping at the bit for. Now, let's-
Dennis Zázrak (o.s.): Campbell!
The graphic is replaced by an O.R.D.R.L.I. feed in the hallway. The GM is on his way to the medical room.
Zázrak: CAAAAMP-BEEEELLL!!!
Campbell stops and sighs, as the Tectonic Champion angrily approaches to loud boos.
Campbell: What can I do ya for, Dennis?
Zázrak: Resign!
DS: If only...
Campbell: Anything else I can do for ya?
Zázrak: You can start acting like a competent General Manager! (holds out hand) Look at this place! This show isn't even a month old, and it's a madhouse!
Campbell: Nah, it's the Fight Pit, mate. (throws thumb over shoulder) Madhouse is on Mondays.
Zázrak: You know what Zázrak's mean! Your World Champion comes and goes when he pleases, and when he does show up, he gets tranquilised like an animal! The number 1 contender to his title is A CRIMINAL! Chaos, destruction, humiliation everywhere. Those island savages and that freak in the face paint coming over here and attacking people. It is a TRAVESTY, and it is ALL YOUR FAULT!
Campbell: Dennis-
Zázrak: And your greatest crime- No, your greatest ATROCITY is your inability- No, your REFUSAL to treat Zázrak... (looks up at the ceiling with his hand raised) as the shining sun that he is.
Campbell: I-
Zázrak (points): No. Instead you force Zázrak to associate with SCUM like Kraken Khan (crowd boos) and Seth (crowd cheers), week after week-
Campbell: ARE YOU DONE?!
Zázrak (shaking fist with eyes closed): ZÁZRAK IS WORTH TWO OF THEM! EACH!
Campbell:... That's a bit of a funny way of puttin' it, innit?
Zázrak (opens eyes): Hnn...?
Campbell: You say better than both of them? Like you could beat them both?
SDS: Uh oh.
DS: He already has?.
Zázrak: Hmph. Zázrak already has.
Campbell: Which means you'll have no dramas doin' it again tonight in a Handicap Match, mate!
The crowd pops.
DS: WHAT?!
SDS: There it is!
SDS: There it is!
Zázrak: Are you out of your mind?
Campbell (shrugs):I mean, it's only fair, mate. Seth went up against you and Khan in a handicap match last week, and Khan faced you and Seth the week before. Reckon it only makes sense those two get the numbers advantage for once.
DS: THAT'S STUPID!
SDS: Now, hold on. I think the logic is pretty sound.
Zázrak: ... Ha... Ha Ha... Hahahaha! HAHAHAHA!
DS: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Zázrak (points again): You are an even bigger fool than Zázrak thought. You really think those two fools can work together?
DS: Exactly!
Campbell: Too right, mate. Reckon it'll be a fair dinkum struggle to work together, especially with Tectonic Title on the line.
SDS & DS: WHAT?!
Zázrak: WHAT?!
Campbell: Too right. The Tectonic Championship's up for grabs in a Handicap Match tonight. Seth, Khan, whoever pins ya, they're the new Groundbreaker, mate.
Zázrak: THAT MAKES NO SENSE!
Campbell: Makes heaps of sense, mate. Kraken Khan’s the ex-Champ, and Seth pinned you—the current Champ—last week. They've both got a fair shake, so they're both in for a crack.
The crowd pops. Campbell stands with his hands held in front of him, smugly smirking. Zázrak stares, flabbergasted.
DS: THIS GUY IS AN IDIOT!
SDS: No, I don't think so.
Zázrak (shaking his head in disgust): This... This is exactly what Zázrak was talking about. You have no idea what you're doing!
Campbell (looks down, takes off his hat): You know, Dennis? Unlike you, I'm not perfect.
Zázrak: Of course not. Zázrak is perfection! But what does that have to with-
Campbell: And I'm always up for a bit of feedback. (looks up) So please, next time you've got a gripe, just chuck it in the suggestion box, mate.
Campbell points at a dustbin behind Zázrak. The Groundbreaker turns around, sees it and seethes.
DS: Babaca!
Zázrak: YOU-
Campbell (holds up finger): And THAT'S the whole kit n' kaboodle. G'day and good night. (leaves)
Zázrak grits his teeth and goes red in the face, holding himself back from lunging at the GM's back.
The feed ends.
SDS: Well, I guess we have a Championship match to look forward to as well!
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